back to top

We Watched The New Channel 4 "Bake Off" And Had A Lot Of Thoughts

"Noel looks like he’s meeting his girlfriend’s Tory parents for the first time and is having to hide his true self."

Posted on

We loved the old Bake Off, and were all scared that moving channel would ruin our fave TV show, so we decided to watch the first episode all together so we wouldn't cry alone if it was terrible.

Jasmin: This intro is so unnecessarily extra. I love it.

Ailbhe: I’m so excited to hear this music again.

Flo: I love that they mentioned Sue – there is still love!

Scott: Having Noel narrating is so strange. It’s like Mel and Sue are about to pop in and he’s just covering in the meantime.

S: “It has got to be worth the calories” is not as good as the catchphrase as SOGGY BOTTOM.

A: “It has to be worth the calories” is defo a fridge magnet motto.

S: That kid in the opening titles must be old enough to start university now.

Advertisement

A: Noel Fielding is so keen. I feel bad for doubting him, tbh.

F: I feel like Noel is faking it – he’s not really this wholesome.

A: Okay, his fruit joke about the sultanas flopped. I miss Mel and Sue now.

F: Noel looks like he’s meeting his girlfriend’s Tory parents for the first time and is having to hide his true self.

A: Glad Sandi is keeping up the bomber jackets in Mezza Bezza’s absence. Noel looks like he’d rather be wearing a raven on his head than on his shirt.

S: There is one contestant who is only saying “RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB” over and over.

A: I have no sense of context for rhubarb. They could say 100,000 kg of rhubarb and I’d think, Oh, OK, is that a lot?

J: I don’t feel comfortable with Noel’s lothario body language.

F: The sexual tension between Noel and Julia is exciting.

S: “Elsewhere in the tent there has been squeezing” – proud the innuendos made the swap to Channel 4.

J: I love that every single season has a spreadsheet person.

S: “He’s used a spreadsheet to calculate the right balance.” He’s gonna come last, I think.

F: You can’t calculate baking this much – you have to feel it!!!

S: There’s going to be a person who accidentally puts the oven on the fan setting by accident.

F: Scott, the oven is meant to be on the fan setting.

S: I MEAN NOT TURN THE OVEN ON.

J: This tension feels more manufactured. My heart’s not invested in their batter troubles.

S: Oh look. Yan didn’t turn the oven on. Technically I am right.

J: Excuse me, Paul, LEAVE FLO’S ACCENT ALONE.

F: Her accent is amazing, and so is her lovely name.

A: Flo is too pure for this world. She’s peak Bake Off. Bake Off could just be an hour of Flo.

J: Why do men always put pencils behind their ears on this show?

F: So true. It’s to show they aren’t doing girly baking, they are doing serious baking.

S: I quite like Tom. Not sure why. Has absolutely nothing to do with him being a rugby player.

A: I’m a bit worried some of Noel’s hair will go into a bake. There’s so much of it. He should wear a lil' hairnet.

J: I feel at this stage of the competition I would have cried about three times.

F: I have no idea how people do this without swearing. It’s so tense.

S: No, there must be swearing LIKE FUCK. They just cut it all out.

F: Flo wouldn’t swear, she is too pure. Yan would though.

A: We all just held our breath while they checked their cakes.

J: That Bundt cake is making me anxious.

F: The whole thing is making me anxious at this stage.

S: The show on Channel 4 is making me feel anxious.

J: Ohhh no, I felt so bad until he said “I’ve lost some bottom.”

F: The bottom line really broke the tension.

Advertisement

J: I forgot how dramatic this show is. I’m STRESSED.

A: This is literally the only time in my entire life I have been worried about the impact of some rhubarb.

J: GO ON, NOEL. Idk what’s worse, your marigold being criticised or Noel Fielding briefly popping it into his mouth.

A: Did Noel put this into his contract? "I must eat one flower."

S: He ate that flower with such confidence.

F: Noel is very good at the tasting part. I like that he’s on the bakers’ side.

A: Persimmon and no fat in a cake is v lifestyle, isn’t it?

F: I have no idea what persimmons are, but I agree.

J: “A bit boring?” It’s an APPLE SPONGE cake. It’s meant to taste like apple and sponge, Paul.

S: HOLLYWOOD TITTING HANDSHAKE IN THE FIRST CHALLENGE. HE’S WON BAKE OFF. WE MIGHT AS WELL GO HOME NOW.

J: He’s just DOLING OUT these handshakes, isn’t he! This is like the Oprah “YOU GET A CAR!” meme.

S: I love how handshakes are literally life-changing on this show.

F: Oh, he’s giving out these handshakes like it’s handshake Christmas.

A: A second handshake???? Are there no standards??? It’s like when your dad lets you have two friends stay over on a school night. I need boundaries, Paul.

J: Last year’s technical challenge was Jaffa Cakes, this year Mini Rolls. Just go to the supermarket, hun.

S: Go to Tesco's – 99p for four. It’s just such a goddamn waste of time.

J: These Mini Rolls are so BOUGIE. Like, Waitrose-level Mini Rolls.

S: Imagine having this with a Waitrose free coffee. Wonderful.

Advertisement

F: Liam has fucked it, but his personality is shining through. Should have points for that.

J: I enjoy Liam’s confidence. I think all GBBO contestants should be uni students.

S: “You wanna go clubbing tonight, mate?” “Nah, making a genoise.”

J: Part of me is like “this can’t be that hard, c’mon” and then I remember I nearly stress-cried making banana bread yesterday.

A: This lot love starting again. Story of 2017, matey.

A: I’m not here for the references to cakes being fatty. Like, obvs. They’re also delish.

F: There should be no calories in the tent. The tent is its own universe.

A: It’s a liminal space, like airports. Anything you eat in the tent isn’t real.

J: Any baking challenge that involves rolling is so stressful. I bet there’s gonna be a lot of attempts to cover cracks with shitloads of icing.

F: I’m getting the Bake Off high, this is so fab. I’ve missed this feeling.

J: Even the ugly ones look delicious tbh. Would eat all of them.

A: “It’s not perfect” – also story of 2017, m8.

J: The swirl in the Mini Rolls Flo made is so satisfying to look at!

F: I think I would really enjoy a heavily minted Mini Roll.

J: Liam’s Mini Rolls are very ~abstract aesthetic~.

F: Some of these guys really can’t handle the pressure.

A: “Nobody has any idea what the tent does to you.” I know Channel 4 is the edgier channel but this has taken a turn for the dark.

J: Illusion cakes feel very Instagram. Maybe next week will be rainbow unicorn-food themed.

J: Didn’t Nadiya do an ~~iconic~~ illusion cake where it looked like the fizzy drink was floating mid-air?

F: That’s all in the past now.

A: These are just the cakes everyone has for their 18th – like when it’s a Barbie but also a cake.

J: Red velvet??? Handbag???? This is very 18th birthday, hard agree with Ailbhe.

F: There’s going to be a lot of fondant. I’ve never had fondant and not wished it was chocolate or buttercream instead.

J: SO MUCH FONDANT.

F: Does anyone like fondant at all?

A: Fondant is just cake glue.

S: Tom is making a cake for a 'quiet night in' (insert a pun about wanting a quiet night in with Tom here.)

S: Flo making a melon cake whilst not liking melons is literally peak Bake Off.

Advertisement

J: “Trust me, Paul.” Lmao you tell him, Liam.

A: A terrarium cake is v instagram. Buttercream succulents!

F: That cake actually sounds delicious as well. I am here for the Instagram cake.

S: I bet Chris is going to be like “I’m going to make a cake that looks like a spreadsheet document.”

F: Stacey loves a re-do.

J: THERE'S A CHOCOLATE PEEN. Well done, Noel, for being so subtle when talking about it. I wouldn’t be.

S: Channel 4’s influence has finally taken hold.

S: OH MY FUCKING GOD A CHICKEN KATSU, FINALLY. WAGAMAMA AND BAKE OFF TOGETHER AT LAST.

J: I am HERE for the ramen cake. This is genius.

S: Yan’s looks better than what is on sale at Wagamama's if I’m being honest.

A: Yan’s looks amazing. I am repulsed by the idea of food that looks like other food and that is still amazing.

J: Not wowed by the stack of books. Yan set the bar high.

S: Tom’s stack of books is literally a stack of books.

A: The books are dull. Dry in many ways.

F: Unlike the nation watching Tom bake.

J: Why is Flo’s watermelon chilling beside some grass? Doesn’t matter, I love her. This cake is INCREDIBLE.

F: The pork pie is extremely unimpressive. They were too kind cos they love pies.

J: I have never seen a handbag like that in 23 years of being alive. It does look glam, though.

F: Stacey re-did it so many times and it’s just a black cake.

A: Tbf that cake does really look like a sandwich.

S: Who knew that Steven’s loaf of bread could look so good?

J: That sandwich cake is a work of art. The lil’ fade on the bread!

F: Liam is so suave. Such confidence. I believe in him and his bakes.

Advertisement

F: At first I was distracted by Noel’s rebel personality, but then I got swept up in the Bake Off tension and it was like I never left the tent.

S: It is remarkably similar to the BBC version. Like, basically with the exception of the adverts it felt as if it had never actually left the BBC.

F: I do miss Mary being the most loveable being on the planet.

J: Like a lot of people I was GUTTED when they moved it from BBC One, but actually it doesn’t feel that different. And I like Noel Fielding in it! I miss Mary but it’s still the Bake Off that everyone loves.

F: IT’S STILL AMAZING! I feel like I am going to enjoy the ads to have a debrief and a cuppa. I always felt the tension was overwhelming before. I’m a sensitive soul.

A: I was so ready to remain staunchly loyal to Mezza Bezza, but then the baking lured me back in. I’m still not into how fast and loose Paul is being with his compliments, but I want to see Noel blossom, eat more garnishes, and get more confident with the hairspray.

F: I feel like Noel’s friendships with the bakers will be really special.

S: Noel feels so talkative and engaging with each of the bakers. It really helps him being himself rather than him acting.

F: I love how it feels like he’s defending them.

S: It’s a bit like the ones we know and love presenting and judging this thing are just on holiday.

S: Will you be watching the rest of the series? I reckon I will.

F: Without a doubt.

J: 100% yes, I’m very invested in this show.

A: Definitely. But I’ll probably watch on my DVR so I can skip the ads.

You can watch The Great British Bake Off on Channel 4 on Tuesdays at 8pm or catch up on All 4.