Crib your enthusiasm.
"One time a little girl I was babysitting kept talking about pollution and how it was ruining the planet. I asked her where she thought pollution came from, to which she replied, 'People's mouths.'"
"My 5-and-a-half-year-old daughter received a gift card for a personal one-topping pizza. Her response: 'I have to choose between sauce OR cheese?!'"
Cut the fluff, Mom.
"My daughter Amanda was about 3; I had stitched her favorite rag doll back up after its body was ripped open following a tug-of-war game. When I handed it to her, Amanda opened the doll's dress and asked, 'Is her organs gone now?'
"It was impressive...and dark."
"My 9-year-old just surprised me with 'What if we are just ants in somebody else's world?'
"I wrote a whole blog post about it."
A true New Yorker.
"I was babysitting a 6-year-old girl who lived near me in the city and we were playing with her dolls. The doll I picked up was clad in a garish New York City–themed ensemble, so naturally my doll asked her doll, 'Do you want to ride the subway with me?' and her doll responded, 'No, I am too claustrophobic.'"
My little loophole.
The compact comedian.
"One day, my 5-year-old son was playing with his friend at the neighbor's house. The phone rang and he decided to pick it up. The person on the other end said, 'Hi, is your mom home?' My son responded, 'No! If you want to talk to my mom, call my house!'"
You're killin' me, Donna!
A stickler for semantics.
"I used to be an assistant teacher at an aftercare program, and one of my kindergarten-aged students asked me if I had any friends. I said, 'Of course I do!'
He replied, 'Mr. T, I don't have any friends... I have homies.'"