40 Signs You’re Walter White From “Breaking Bad”

As illustrated by Malcolm in the Middle. WARNING: SPOILERS.

1. You have lung cancer.

2. And your wife has become unexpectedly pregnant.

Now you need more money.

3. You’re a chemistry genius, so naturally making meth is the easiest solution to your financial troubles.

4. This is your sub-conscious warning you about joining the meth business:

5. Heisenberg is your meth alter ego, accomplished by just hat and sunglasses.

6. Your first meth lab was in a RV.

7. You got fired as a chemistry teacher for groping the principal.

8. You caused a chemical explosion in your RV in an attempt to get rid of two rouge drug dealers.

By “get rid off” I mean kill.

9. You and your meth making partner do not have the best relationship.

10. Because here’s a basic summary:

While you did not kill them yourself, you pretty much are the root cause as to why his friend and girlfriend are dead, plus you did poison his other girlfriend’s kid,so…

11. You used to lie to your wife that you took long drives to clear your head.

When actually you took long drives to your RV in the desert to make meth.

12. Because under no circumstances could your wife find out what you’re doing.

She’s a little too uptight for that.

13. This makes you laugh:

Your wife knowing your secrets? What a joke.

14. This was a problem for you when you first joined the meth business:

15. You plan secret meeting locations for face-to-face talks and/or drug deals.

16. Whenever you see your son, a majority of the time he’s eating breakfast.

17. You liked to cook meth in your underwear.

18. These are your criteria for the perfect meth lab:

19. Your dream meth lab(s) are houses tented up for fumigation.

There was no smell, you had two weeks to finish a batch until the fumigation was over, traveling and you could disguise the smoke as fumigation exhaust.

20. You made an effort to contact a mysterious man, responsible for all meth distribution in the Southwest.

21. He owned a chicken restaurant chain called, Los Pollos Hermanos, and took you under his wing.

Drug dealers: they’re just like everyday business owners!

22. Too bad your boss is a psychopath and will not hesitate to murder your entire family if you get on his bad side.

23. You got on your bosses bad side.

Look what you did.

24. You like to drive cars in empty parking lots for fun.

Yes that’s a steamroller, but if Hal had a beautiful red Challenger he would have used that too. Then blown it up.

25. Nobody likes your wife.

26. When your wife finally found out you cook meth, you and her told everyone that you have a gambling problem.

How else did you get so much cash-flow in so little time?

27. Everyone’s pretty sure your son is going to find out you cook meth come Season 5 Part 2.

Just like your wife did, and your wife’s DEA brother-in-law.

28. Your meth partner killed off an entire drug cartel in Mexico.

No threat, no competition.

29. Your biggest nightmare:

While your home.

30. Your wife cheated on you with her boss.

31. You make pros and cons lists for killing someone.

32. You actually would:

33. Your meth partner became a heroin addict which caused you not to trust him.

34. You’ve become a crazed sociopath.

35. Everyone in the meth business is after you.

36. You were the target of two Mexican hit-men.

Then your brother-in-law became the target, so whatever.

37. You are making heavy cash flow with your meth business.

You had enough money to set your family for life, which was what you wanted right? Not really.

38. Your goal is to become the sole-distributor of meth in the southwestern territories and you will kill anyone who will try to stop you.

39. You will kill anyone for any reason at all.

40. Everybody is rooting for you, but also against you?

I’m even unclear.

After reading this, I hope you came to realize that this list is all a lie.

There are no “40 Signs That You’re Walter White”. You could never be Walter White.

There is only one Heisenberg.

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