28 Reasons Why Life Should Be More Like An ’80s Teen Movie

John Hughes should have directed all of our lives.

1. The chances of a guy holding a boom box outside your window would increase 300%.

Obviously he would be there to profess his love for you, and to blast “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. What else?

As seen in Say Anything (1989).

2. So would your chances of finding a hidden pirate map.

As seen in The Goonies (1985).

3. Lawn mowers would become the most romantic and landscaping-effective form of transportation.

As seen in Can’t Buy Me Love (1987).

4. Actual real-life freeze frame moments would be the best and most common way to celebrate one’s successes.

That guy in your chemistry class frozen with his fist in the air? Yeah, he just got an A on his exam after having studied all night for it. No big deal.

As seen in The Breakfast Club (1985).

5. Say goodbye to chairs!

Now there’s definitely a non-awkward amount of distance between you and your date.

As seen in Sixteen Candles (1984).

6. Cars would be the key to time travel.

Well, not just any cars, it would have to be a DeLorean — but you could try.

As seen in Back to the Future (1985).

7. Phone booths could be used for time travel as well.

As seen in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989).

8. “The Glow” would be a totally real karate move you could achieve.

As seen in The Last Dragon (1985).

9. You could form evil cliques with people who have the same name as you.

Sadly, you might slowly die one by one.

As seen in Heathers (1988).

10. If you don’t have a date, you could make one.

As seen in Weird Science (1985).

11. But you basically will always get the girl/guy so you won’t have to.

As seen in all ’80s teen movies.

12. You would discover the meaning of life and your own existence just by staring at a painting.

As seen in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986).

13. This would forever remain your definition of a vampire:

Piercings, long hair, leather jackets, always looking sweaty and dirty, metal, not sparkling: a true vampire.

As seen in The Lost Boys (1987).

14. Dancing would be the best way to reject authority.

As seen in Footloose (1984).

15. And solve your problems.

As seen in Breakin’ (1984).

16. You’d always look like this when coming out of a pool:

As seen in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982).

17. Your video games would be real!

The game Sims wouldn’t be just a virtual reality for you; you’d actually be controlling someone else’s life.

As seen in WarGames (1983).

18. The star player on your basketball team would be a teen wolf.

As seen in Teen Wolf (1985).

19. You would be the epitome of a “cool kid.”

John Bender wasn’t just cool; he was the essence of cool.

As seen in The Breakfast Club.

20. Or the most fashion forward and funniest “geek” ever.

Duckie was my soulmate.

As seen in Pretty in Pink (1986).

21. Chances of you finding out you’re the descendant of a long line of Salem witches would greatly increase.

As seen in Teen Witch (1989).

22. You could be a genius but still party hard.

As seen in Real Genius (1985).

23. You could beat the system and just get one rib for 50 cents.

Ribs cost $2.50 and you get five; that’s 50 cents a rib. Give me one rib.

As seen in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (1988).

24. No one will, like, ever want to gag you with a spoon if you talk this, like, totally bitchin’ way, fer sure.

If they do, they’re, like, totally grody to the max!

As seen in Valley Girl (1983).

25. You’d be able to impress all your friends with just a pair of underwear.

As seen in Sixteen Candles.

26. People would fight over you by staging ski-offs.

Who said chivalry was dead?

As seen in Better off Dead (1985).

27. You could make people think you joined that religious cult you saw on 60 Minutes.

But really you just enrolled in a different high school and dressed up as the opposite sex to prove patriarchal dominance and stick it to society.

As seen in Just One of the Guys (1985).

28. And impromptu dance numbers would be completely normal.

So if you ever need to twist and shout for any reason whatsoever, go right ahead.

Pictured above is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but random dance scenes are in a lot of ’80s teen movies.

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