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Week 5 Power Rankings: Chaos...... Reigns

Week 5 saw Fire Flames' biggest upset in league history, setting off seismic shifts in the power rankings. Take a look at your trousers and see where you stand!

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1. WSP McCarthy Outta My Cage

Hail to the King baby. Our league's founder is back in the 1 spot after a ballin-ass outing from his formidable RB corps, led by Ezekiel "Probably Going To Be Suspended For Weed Soon" Elliott.

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2. Deflate (H)ate

I'm really starting to think Cory's just trying to shut me up at this point. Cory dominates once again after dropping in the PRs the previous week, thanks in large part to the return of His Holiness.

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3. The Demogorgskins

HE BLEEDS. Denis fell to none other than Eli this week, and Lamar Miller, like Max on dating apps, has yet to score. It's his first real bad performance but we have to ask: Is Denis Not The Chosen One?

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4. Supersaiyan God Supersaiyans

I'll admit it - seeing Martellus Bennett score three times in Brady's first game back was rough, and I could feel Chris' nefarious grin all the way from Indianapolis. But Gronk is back baby, and the Supersaiyan God Supersaiyans have yet to lose with him in the lineup.

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5. San Diego Harambes

Crooked Randy, as he's known to some, had Julio shut down by Denver which was a large factor in his loss. He gets Jamaal Charles back this week but will he be in a timeshare? Find out on the next, DRAGON BALL Z!

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6. The Life of Nuwanda

Eric Who? Sammy Whatkins? Charles... Hims? Chris' team has more IRs than a lesson on Spanish verbs, but his remaining players keep him as competitive as any team in the league.

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7. The Nial-Nelsie Hopkinses

Ross D. Franklin / AP

Sources close to me tell me that Max is feeling truly slick in the wig after his acquisition of Tevin Coleman, and it might be the last piece his team needs to reach the next level. With Odell seemingly back on the same page as Eli Manning, Max's fantasy arrow is pointing up.

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8. WSP Battling Swans

It's gonna pain Adam to start Jimmy Graham over Jack Doyle this week but I think he'll muster the courage. Another middling week for the Battling Swans (??) with Forte not receiving 50 touches per game.

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9. Flamin' Unicorns

Kelly gets the biggest drop this week after a low scoring performance which featured not ONE but TWO count 'em TWO tight ends. At least Nuk finally reached the endzone.

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10. Andrew Truck

The greatest trick Jacob ever played was tanking his team to get Jordan Howard. The exciting rookie back, along with Theo "Puddin Pops" Riddick, led Jacob to his first... quality loss.

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11. Super Smegma Brigade

As much as I would love to move Eli up after unfathomably beating Dennis, I can't. Eli enjoyed the biggest win of his career this past weekend but he's still starting Torrey Smith, and in Eli's words, "he's on the 49ers??"

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12. The Fourth Reich

After starting out hot, Henry has failed to eclipse 90 points in each of the past 3 weeks, landing him in the PR basement for the first time this season. He may have finally found his permanent WR2 in Sammie Coates and finally cut ties with Eli "Steamboat Mickey Brain" Manning, but needs consistency out of his whole team to get back to winning.

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