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Week 3 Power Rankings: Bottoms Up!

As the clock hit zeroes on Monday night, each winless team had officially claimed their first victory of the season - several other teams had strong showings as well but was it enough to move them up in the vaunted and universally respected Power Rankings? Find out below!

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1. The Demogorgskins

No surprise here. Denis' team hasn't scored under 110 points this season and the player I thought might have been his weak spot (Marvin Jones) could turn out to be his strongest. Shows what I know!

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2. Deflate (H)ate

Welcome back to the 2 spot Cory! Christine Michael is a scrait up banger at RB as is DJ (who has the best picture on this list). Take a look at his bench and you'll find players that could spell trouble for the rest of the league later this season.

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3. WSP Battling Swans

I'm as shocked as you are. Jarvis Landry is quietly putting together a T10 WR campaign on Adam's team and LeGarrette LeBlount must be getting a dimebag from Belichick for every touchdown he scores. Even though Victor Cruz is a Ole Man who is Ugly, and Dead, he's contributing in a way that not a lot of people predicted.

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4. The Life of Nuwanda

Despite the close loss, I know for a fact that Chris had a Loki grin on his face as he looked at the pairing of Sims/Coleman going for 45 points. The record doesn't show it but TLON has a high floor and tons of grit in the FLEX (at the time of this writing anyway).

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5. WSP McCarthy Outta My Cage

If 80 points is a bad day for Nial then I think he'll be happy moving forward - he drops to 5 in the rankings after a whole note from Kelvin Benjamin but it's not like KB has to play the unquestionably hands-down elite Vikings secondary every week.

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6. San Diego Harambes

RANDY WESLEY PRESENTS: THE NEED FOR SNEAD. Our favorite primate-themed team missed Groundskeeper Willie on Monday night - coupled with a baffling 1 catch performance from Julio and Langford going down (and sucking (pun intended)), The Harambes might have to put down the child and hold this L.

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7. Flamin' Unicorns

Kelly's move up is less of an endorsement for her team than it is an indictment for #8-9, but not every team can plummet! Though she has yet to put up over 100 points this season, Kelly did get what I believe to be uncharacteristic outings from both Ben and Nuk - the talent is definitely there.

(Praise Melvin)

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8. The Nial-Nelsie Hopkinses

If only Max could appreciate this picture of his first overall pick. This team appears to be inexorably tied to the success of Our Panthers, and when they play a capable defense, we see what happens in fantasy.

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9. Supersaiyan God Supersaiyans

As was foretold, The Exalted One led the Supersaiyans to its first victory in Week 3. It looks like my team has found its franchise QB in Matt Stafford, who is probably the only FF player to give Gronk a run for his money in beer pong. T.Y. Hilton finally emerged from his cocoon as well, and it looks like Dwayne Washington could end up being this year's Christine Michael, which would actually make him pretty good next year.

(Did you think I wasn't going to use a picture of Gronk for a non-themed power rankings? I'm going to use a picture of Gronk for every non-themed power rankings.)

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10. The Fourth Reich

A big drop this week for Henry as he's let down by almost his entire team, including Eli Manning who's coming off mediocre performances against the Saints and Redskins despite the plus match-up. Le'Veon's return could not come sooner for these national socialists.

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11. Super Smegma Brigade

If you had told me that Shane Vereen and Anquan Boldin would not only start a game this year but BOTH score on the SAME team in the SAME week I would have said "it'll probably be on Eli's team". Big Country is also the #2 TE in fantasy right now and the Vikings defense is no fluke. Although this team has more holes than Camp Green Lake, I can't deny giving it the bump this week.

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12. Andrew Truck

Normally Jacob would love seeing a USC quarterback struggle so much, but not if he's on his fantasy team. Even after his first win, Jacob falls to last in the rankings this week after failing to reach 90 points once again this season. Gurley finally put up first round numbers, but injuries to Rashad and Rawls and sub-par performances from Cobb make this team tougher to endorse than Ben Carson (there's the political joke it's at the end where it belongs).

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