49 Things You Learned In School That Are Now Completely Useless

Congratulations. Your childhood education was all for nothing.

1. How to write in cursive

2. How to drop an egg from a five-story building without breaking it

3. How to climb a rope

4. How to play Hot Cross Buns on the recorder

5. How to make the most badass erupting volcano

6. How to find a book using the card catalogue system

7. How to use long division

8. Memorizing the periodic table of elements

9. How to forge a river on the Oregon Trail

10. Memorizing the preamble to the U.S. Constitution

11. How to spell boobs on a calculator

12. How to do the limbo

13. Reciting the state capitals

14. How to make a potato battery

15. Learning to sing in a round

16. How to make a Cat’s Cradle

17. How to make paper snowflakes

18. How to make a cootie catcher

19. How to play foursquare

20. How to do the Macarena

21. How to keep a Tamagotchi alive

22. How to make papier mache anything

23. How to make a shoebox diorama

24. How to care for a fake infant egg

Real children are slightly more complex.

25. How to grow a plant in a wet paper towel

26. How to line up by height

27. How to color in the lines


29. Memorizing all of the presidents in order

30. How to navigate the Encyclopaedia Brittanica

31. How to find arrowheads

32. How to dissect a frog

33. How to say ‘no’ to drugs

34. How to put a condom on a phallic fruit

35. How to differentiate between different types of dinosaurs

36. How to cite a source using MLA

UPDATED: Apparently our previous picture was not in MLA. English teachers everywhere collectively cringed.

37. How to build a styrofoam solar system

Pluto’s not even a planet anymore. WHY EVEN BOTHER?!

38. How to extract liquid from a pouch

39. How to use WordArt for fancy fonts

41. How to make an acrostic

42. How to write a book report

43. How to jump out of the back of a bus

Let’s face it: If your bus is on fire, you get the fuck out however you can.

44. How to decorate for a dance

45. How to sell worthless coupon books

46. How to scratch and sniff

Have you ever tried scratching and sniffing someone in real life? Yeah, they don’t like when you do that.

47. How to care for your Pokemon cards

Dude, your prized holographic Charizard card is worth like 15 cents.

48. How to make a tornado in a soda bottle

49. How to spell

Just spell check it, duh!

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