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    23 Book Jokes You’re Gonna Laugh At Even If You Haven’t Read In A While

    "Ladies, you must never date anyone who hates libraries, has a portrait of himself that grows older while he stays young, or eats five dozen eggs and is the size of a barge."


    ME: I will now give my Moby Dick presentation as a rap TEACHER: I specifically told you not to d– ME: His palms are sweaty, Queequeg's harpoon heavy, there's something on his sweater already, spermaceti


    Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no


    (WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes...


    when your local library starts subtly sowing the seeds of anarchy


    I came, I saw, I thought about conquering but instead left swiftly because there were too many people and not enough books.


    My sister sent me this from her local #library and now I can't stop singing this song. #WeLoveBigBooks


    To All The Boys Who Basically Said What I Already Said In Class


    adulthood means saying “I can’t wait to use this bad boy!!” when you travel across country and get a new library card.


    Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense


    Human: Don’t you have enough books yet? Me: [writing wishlists of them] no Human: ok what about now? Me: [piling books in front of the door] no Human: how about nOw?? Me: [covering self in books] still no


    if teen-aged Mary Shelley can win a storytelling contest with Lord Byron by inventing science-fiction, I can surely make it to Friday.


    REPORTER: you've written literally dozens of murders- AGATHA CHRISTIE: look at these adorable llamas REPORTER: how can you sleep at night AGATHA: they're so fluffy :) :)


    Hogwarts is my ideal education system mostly because there's no mandatory physical exercise & all meals are served buffet style


    F. SCOTT FITZGERALD: did you read it? did you read my new book? GERTRUDE STEIN *sweating*: it sure is a collection of words and sentences,


    I went into a bookshop earlier carrying a book. I seem to have put my book down to browse other books and left with no books. Have called the bookshop but they're struggling to find my lost book amongst all the books. This is the stupidest thing I have ever done


    sex is cool and all but have u ever tried reading an angsty romance and getting to the part where they finally kiss after like 30 chapters


    Taking a page out of someone’s book doesn’t always work. The librarian got pretty pissed at me.


    we love Edgar Allan Poe because he portrays universal human emotions like loss, grief, unrequited love, burying your enemy alive in the cellar and being scared out of your mind by a bird.


    Shh, librarian, the books are late because I love them. I can't be quiet because the library is exciting. I lost my card because I use it. Please just love me. I need this.


    First day at Hogwarts... Sorting Hat: *reads thoughts* what the fuck man


    Me: Is it worth more because it's signed? Book dealer: Pretty sure the word "God" written in cursive in this Bible is not authentic, sir.


    ladies, you must never date anyone who hates libraries, has a portrait of himself that grows older while he stays young, or eats five dozen eggs and is the size of a barge.


    the 7 harry potter books summed up:

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