1. This review for shorts that is hilariously embarassing:
"Split in the crotch
I was wearing these shorts around the house when a few friends stopped by. We were all sitting around watching TV when I reached at a weird angle for the remote. The crotch seam pulled apart and my scrotum came spilling out right in front of my friends. This was pretty embarrassing. Picture not attached."
2. This guy who thought he was going to have the time of his life until it took an unfortunate turn:
"A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks.
We took this ball to the beach after it took almost two hours to pump it up. We got to push it around for about 10 fun-filled minutes. That was when the wind picked up and sent it hurdling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability."
3. This gentleman who gave this cap the most wholesome review:
"Fiddler's Cap: Just look at me now!
Just got my fiddler's cap. Fits perfect. I just love it. Very comfortable and good looking. My new favorite hat of all time anchor's away matey."
4. This very good reply to a question about shipping:
"Q: Is I oder my stuff on Wendy when will it come
A: If you order on Wendy, you may get your stuff on Trudy or maybe Freddy. Hope that helps."
5. This 10/10 casket review:
"Orion Black Steel Casket
No complaints from Grandpa."
6. This funny review for a robotic vacuum who did not want to cooperate:
"Very Disappointed!
Very disappointing! We named ours Bob, and let me tell you he wasn't the hard working man I was hoping for. Bob spent most of his employment driving from one random side of the house to the other like a junkie looking for his next fix. His actual cleaning was minimal at best and he couldn't find his docking station to save his life. In the next week I had Bob, he never finished a cleaning cycle. One day while at work, the app texted me to say Bob needed my assistance because he was stuck on a cliff. Worried for Bob's safety, I came home to find him passed out in the middle of the dining room rug. That night the family said goodbye to Bob once and for all."
7. This person who was not satisfied with this long-lasting dog bone:
"Long Lasting Dog Bone
Dear AKC, your 'long-lasting' bone lasted all of 5 minutes. If that's your idea of a long-lasting bone, then I feel sorry for your wife."
8. This A+ review for a gallon of lube:
"Passion Lubes: Almost Too Effective
As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage."
9. This *chef's kiss* review for only half of a keyboard:
"Das bard es ver gad! A've traed et far tree weex ad et werx great! A recabed et ta aw Agazad watcxers! Fave stars!!!"
10. This bulk condom review that came with a life lesson:
"Be sure you really need 60 condoms before you buy 60 condoms
So there are some great condoms right, but I'm here to give you some life advice. I bought these back when I was in a relationship with someone way out of my league. I figured after how long we'd been together that I should just start buying in bulk. So I buy 60 condoms and we keep getting it on for a while until she dumped me. Now I have a drawer by my bed full of completely superfluous condoms. They sit there mocking me as I drunkenly cradle myself to sleep, cold and alone in my pathetic excuse of an apartment. Great product though 10/10."
11. Rico, who just wanted some goddamn personal space:
"Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat
I purchased this book as I was tired of people sitting too near me on public transport."
12. This lube review that really took a turn:
"Good Lube
It's lube. Not much more to say. Sometimes I like covering my body in it and pretend to be a slug while sliding around in my bathroom."
13. This very confused customer:
"This review is from: How to Poo on a Date: The Lovers Guide to Toilet Etiquette
I am somewhat disappointed. Despite reading this book cover to cover, my date still refuses to let me poo on her."
14. This incredible review for a Power Ranger costume:
"Go Green Baby
This costume right here son is baller level, like you're not even prepared for the level of baller you will be elevated to when you put this costume on. You're gonna want start fighting monsters and playing flutes to summon zords, while you're looking FAF in this. Your gonna be teleporting to zordan and alpha 5 so you can chill with them up in the secret power ranger base. The only complaint I have is it didn't come with Tommy's pimp status ponytail, but a real player can just sprout that bad boy. Honestly, that ponytail might even be too much because an amateur playa might not be able to handle the amount of pink rangers that would be flocking to your fine looking self in this costume. So, in conclusion, if you're looking for a Power Ranger costume and you don't want to be basic and be on that red or blue BS, you go green baby."
15. This aunt who would rather listen to a yodeling pickle:
"Accoutrements Yodelling Picke
My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I brought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference."
16. Laird, who did not get what he ordered:
"It's All Ogre Now
I feel like something horrible happened to my bear before it got shipped. Basically, this is what I'd imagine the outcome to be if Shrek got a hold of the bear and then proceeded to a vigorous night of 50 Shades of Grey love-making. This bear looks traumatized. And for good reason."
17. These hilariously snarky reviewers:
"Somewhere Over The Rainbow Pot O' Gold St. Patrick's Day Cookie Cutter
Dirk: No matter what I did, I couldn't get the cookie dough to rise. My wife said 'Oh, honey. It's OK. It happens to all bakers now and then.' Which, you know, was nice of her to say. Still, I felt kind of deflated.
DSM: I'm not sure why so many reviews are complaining about the size of this product & it being too big. 5" X 3 3/4" ...seems about average to me."
18. And finally, this pretty epic review:
"Allsop Wrist Assist - Ergonomic Wrist Rest for Support & Flexibility.
'Thanks for joining me today Team. We need to come up with the packaging design for our Ergonomic Wrist Rest.'
'What is our target market?'
'Primarily people with weak/injured wrists. I would expect a large amount of them to have Arthritis.'
'Ok. Shall we wrap it in plastic and cardboard and it make it impossible to open?'
'Yes. Ideal. Use all the glue.'
'How much glue?'
'Every last drop we have. Make those limp-wristed weaklings suffer.'"
