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    17 Book Jokes That Are So Clever And Funny That They Deserve An Award

    "For me, the most relatable character in Pride and Prejudice is Charlotte’s little brother who declares that, were he as rich as Mr. Darcy, he would buy many dogs and turn to alcoholism."


    [meeting my gf's parents] gf: just please be serious me: ok [later] gf's dad: sorry for the wait, dinner's ready now me: I DID MY WAITING gf: oh no me: TWELVE YEARS OF IT gf: please me: IN AZKABAN


    very *rude* of authors to write books with no murders in them. I paid money for this novel, I expect to see bloodshed and a battle of wits between murderer and detective. yes I know it’s supposed to be a “love story” but you know what everyone loves? a good murder


    "I bought another book" - transactional - people will ask if you REALLY need more books - reminds you of your bank balance "I paid a terrible price for this knowledge" - classy Faustian vibes - intimidating - implies all books are priceless treasures. which they are.


    imagine how frustrated the cashiers at scholastic book fairs are. those kids don’t understand tax. their mom gave them $20 and said “books only”. they think they can get a book that’s $16.99 and an eraser that’s $2.99. “yeah right, idiot” the cashier has to say (by law)


    If your party doesn't symbolize the futility of the American Dream and the empty decadence of the 1920s, don't bother inviting me


    dobby: master has presented dobby with a...really dirty bra me: it just needs to be washed dobby: how have you’ve been wearing this thing, it’s practically disintegrated me: dobby: seriously do you need money for new bras me: *taking back bra* you know what, forget it


    I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.


    someone asked earlier if I have feelings for anyone; bold of you to assume this calloused, shriveled heart has Emotions for anything other than Agatha Christie novels.


    DRESSING UP AS A GHOST FOR HALLOWEEN • meh DRESSING UP AS A HAM FOR HALLOWEEN • unique • easy to put together • will surely win first prize in the Maycomb County Halloween pageant


    I am: ⚪️ a man ⚪️ a woman 🔘 Cedric Diggory’s Father And that’s: 🔘 MY SON 🔘 MY BOOOOOOY


    me: i can’t believe i thought looking for alaska was soo deep when i was 15 looking for alaska mini series: if people were rain i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane me:


    For me the most relatable character in Pride and Prejudice is Charlotte’s little brother who declares that, were he as rich as Mr Darcy, he would buy many dogs and turn to alcoholism


    Gonna tell my kids this was Romeo and Juliet


    mrs weasley: dont forget to say “diagon alley” very clearly harry:


    working theory: Stephen King sets all his horrors in Maine to lower the property values so he can buy the entire state



    dumbledore: harry must be safe snape: ok but can i be a dick to him dumbledore: what snape: like, idk, if i wanted to tell him he’s an even bigger pathetic fucken loser than his dead dad i can right lol dumbledore: are u okay

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