"Hi there! What can I get started for you today?""Sorry about the wait! I'll be taking care of you today. Would you like to hear our specials this evening?""Hi! Do you know what you want yet?"
You always gotta upsell those specials!!!!!!
Look, I should tell you that our boss Gary Schlarry is a real stickler for letting the customers know our specials. Sometimes they want what they don't even know they want!!!! And watch your tone, too!!!!
"Would you like more time to decide?""Listen, the mac 'n' cheese is from a box. The turkey sub is made fresh and comes with fries. How's that sound?""The chicken nuggets are good, too."
NEVER REVEAL KITCHEN SECRETS.
OH LORDY. Don't tell 'em our mac 'n' cheese is from a box. We can't let that get out!!! You gotta just give 'em more time. And don't give them more options if they're already deciding between two already!!!!!!!
"Excuse me? What do you think you're doing?""Did you find that prank from YouTube?"Nothing. Let his parents handle it.
OK, listen. Let his parents handle it.
We here at Wappletrees are not here to babysit or parent children. Sure, little Kenion Lazarus is a major a-hole, but your No. 1 job is just to serve the food and keep the customers happy!!!!!
"I didn't think there was such a thing as bad mac 'n' cheese!""Is there anything else I can get you instead?""How about I throw in a free dessert to make up for it?"
ASK WHAT THE CORRECT ANSWER IS!!!!
Dude, you can't read minds. You have no idea what Mom and Popsie want for their children, so ASK them what THEY expect as a remedy and see if that's something you can "run by management." Offering them free desserts when they barely ate dinner will just piss off the parents!!!!!! And what if they're allergic to nuts or some shit, you know?
"Of course! Can you give me two seconds, though?"Pretend you don't hear her and walk away."Yeah! Isn't it GRAND how we as a society want to capture every little thing nowadays?"
SERVING IS YOUR JOB, DUDE!!!!!!!
It's OK to come back in two seconds to take their photo if you tell them nicely. People are understanding. Serving subtle sassy undertones won't get you a good tip, you know?
"Oh, haha, that's weird. Because you ate it all.""Ha! Good one, sir.""Ha, ha. Nice. Let me bring you some dessert menus."
UPSELL THOSE DESSERTS, DUDE.
Yeah, customers love reciting the same bad jokes. HUMOR THEM. But don't call them "sir" or "ma'am." They hate that for some reason. And try your goddamn hardest to sell those desserts, man.
Yell after them, "Do you think my bills magically pay themselves?"Smile and call, "hope your experience is better next time!"Do nothing.
OH MY GOD.
OK, listen. Here at Wappletrees we CANNOT comment on how people tip. Management gets so pissed at us. Even if customers are The Worst. And usually? They are. IT SUCKS.
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