9 Types Of Periods Anyone Who's Had A Period Will Recognize

And most of them are terrible. Period.

1. The "Leaky" Period

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This period REALLY likes to ruin your favorite pair of underwear. Sure, you may have misjudged the amount of flow comin' on down the pipeline, but that's no excuse for this period to be as wet, squishy, uncomfortable, and just plain rude as it is.

2. The "Spotty" Period

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This period is known for its inability to make a decision. Honestly, its theme song is "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by the Clash. It's not a full-fledged lava flow, but it would be easier to predict if it was.

3. The "Chunkster Period"

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This period really wants you to KNOW it's there. It brings all kinds of bodily debris out of your vagina along with it — and it has the consistency of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. The outcome looks like a murder scene, but somehow it's also oddly satisfying.

4. The "Phantom" Period

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This period is a living, breathing raised middle finger. You've got cramps, are craving anything chocolate, and are maybe a little more emotional than usual, but there are no signs of a bloodbath down there. It's the type of period that you WANT to get over with.

5. The "Fashionably Late" Period

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This period thinks it's a little jokester, but it can be known for sending you spiraling into full panic mode. Like, where the fuck are you? This isn't some kind of fun guessing game. JUST SHOW UP ON TIME.

6. The "SURPRISE, BITCH!" Period

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As the complete opposite of the "Fashionably Late" Period, the "SURPRISE, BITCH!" takes pride in ruining your day by showing up uninvited. Whether it acts on sheer boredom or is just a complete sadist, it literally gives zero fucks about your plans. When it's here, it's HERE.

7. The "NEVER-ENDING, MY GOD MAKE IT STOP" Period

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This period is a conversation that NEVER. FUCKING. ENDS. It's here to tell you all about its mother-in-law, childhood dog, and that one time it went ~off the rails~ at Coachella. Nine days later you look down, thinking it MUST have left, but it's all, "Oh hey, I'd thought I'd hang a little longer."

8. The "Short and Sweet" Period

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This is the kindest period of the bunch whether it knows it or not. Like a polite dinner guest, it shows up on time but doesn't overstay its welcome. In fact, sometimes it decides to peace out early! It's not too wet, too mushy, or too tiresome — it's kinda the best you could ask for.

9. And finally, the "Kill Me Now" Period

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This period thinks your uterus is a goddamn jungle gym. It has absolutely no respect for your pain tolerance, usually leaving you in such agony that you can't BELIEVE you have to deal with this shit every month. Popping a few ibuprofen can dull its fun for a few hours, but it will prevail once it wears off.

UPDATE

Apr. 26, 2017, at 22:07 PM

The headline of this post has been updated to reflect BuzzFeed’s editorial standards.