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22 Parents Who Just Took A Long, Deep Sigh And Said, "Why Me?"

"Pumpkin patches, so you can pay $50 for kids activities like, 'here, pet this goat' and 'chip your tooth in this overcrowded bouncy house.'”


8yo: Mom, will you put ketchup on my hotdog? Me: You’re old enough to do it yourself. 8yo:


me *brings toddler his popsicle* What do you say? toddler: Finally


TODDLER: *spitting out mouthful of grapes and scrambled eggs he's been chewing for five minutes* MINE! Don't eat it! ME: We're good.


2am. Wake up to 3 standing next to my bed. Me: oh my God what are you doing? 3: You said last night I could have chocolate. Me: Ok... 3: But you didn't give me my chocolate. Me: Ok... 3: So now I want my chocolate. Me: Any chance we'll sleep tonight without the chocolate? 3: No


If your toilet paper roll doesn’t look like this, do you even have a toddler? #momlife #dadlife #parenting #toddlers


6yo: I need to fart Me: No, we're eating 6yo: Ok, I'll just hold it in with my hand *Farts 6yo: It didn't work


I’m not saying one of my kids is “more difficult” than the others, but so far my oldest wants a remote control car for Christmas, the youngest wants a stuffed unicorn, and the middle one has requested a dinosaur egg so he can raise and train his own velociraptor from birth.


I was playing outside with my kids and I tried to jump over something because I forgot I’m 40 anyways who wants to sign my cast?


I asked my 5 yr old if she wanted to help me make a cake and she said that she doesn't make cakes. She eats them. Her face will be on currency one day.


me: you got your sense of humor from me *dad laugh* daughter: you probably should’ve kept some of it for yourself me: *dad silence*


Me: “You guys treat me like I’m some waitress.” Son, whispering to daughter: “Well, there goes her tip.”


So glad my kids have the day off tomorrow because I really miss hearing arguing between the hours of 8am to 3pm.


Just caught my 9yo forging my signature on a school paper. He’s going to be a blast as a teenager.


8: I wish you could homeschool me Me: Aww, how sweet, you’d really want me to be your teach- 8: That way like instead of doing work, I could just play baseball in the backyard and you could clean and stuff. Me: Ah look, the bus.


Pumpkin patches, so you can pay $50 for kids activities like “here, pet this goat” and “chip your tooth in this overcrowded bouncy house.”


Me, at dinner: “Who wants another helping?” 7y.o, *whispers*: “None of this dinner is helping me.”


You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.


Me [walking into bathroom]: GET IN HERE. Son: Why? Me: There is pee everywhere. How do you do this? Clean this up. Son: Ok. [2 mins later] Son: Where's the plunger? Me: Why? Son: [pointing at 15 paper towels he tried to flush] Me: From now on you have to pee outside.



Me: I’m only going to ask you to clean this mess up ONE more time. 6-year-old: That’s good. I was tired of hearing you ask.


Me: Can you go tell your brother that dinner is ready? Son: *standing one inch from my ear* DINNER IS READY!


If you’ve ever walked around your house & thought to yourself, “I wish there was a way for all the toilets to be unflushed all the time,” I highly recommend having children.