1. "How can I describe this woman as friendly? Ah, I'VE GOT IT."
2. "This is 100% how breasts work. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."
3. "I've got a great line. Women should really talk more about their breasts' feelings!!!!"
4. "This is definitely how a father would describe his daughter."
5. "Just want to make it VERY clear how sexy her breasts are!!!"
6. "Since women peak at age 19, I want to make sure readers know she's not a decrepit 36-year-old!!!!!!"
7. "I can write women really well because I've had exactly one conversation with a woman."
8. "I've done this to zero women, but I know it makes sense."
9. "What do you mean, 'This sounds creepy'?"
10. "What should I compare these breasts to? I'VE GOT IT. PUPPIES."
I'm sorry, her breasts do WHAT
11. "I'm such an artist with words."
12. "Of course I know why some women are confrontational!!!"
13. "Breasts totally get scared."
14. "I really can't fathom why nobody has ever thought to write about breasts this way. God, I'm creative."
15. "How do I write about her abs in a sexy way? I KNOW."
16. "Mm, yes. Flesh skeleton."
17. "Man, sheep are totally underrated."
18. "I know what women want to hear because I am an expert."
19. "This is Pulitzer material."
