1.
Tampon instructions: Tampons can kill you Me: what Tampon instructions: they probably won’t though, don’t worry about it Me: …ok Tampon instructions: just worry about it a little bit
2.
How to apply mascara: Pull wand from tube Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life
3.
If you had a wedding dress with a fanny pack you could get rid of the ring bearer all together.
4.
A man in the subway tried to hit on me by coming up behind me very close & saying in my ear, "You think the trains going to be late?" but I'd just had dental work done so I turned around & slurred, "No idea" while blood poured out of my mouth. I wish I could do this all the time
5.
when you accidentally turn on the front facing camera
6.
BOSS: Your feminist agenda is starting to disrupt meetings ME: *tucks tampon behind ear like a pen* How
7.
It’s almost that time of year when other girls look cute in their flannel and I look like I’ve misplaced my axe.
8.
Spilled bronzer powder and now my bathroom fixtures have that healthy summer glow.
9.
I want a story from the “manic pixie dream girl” perspective and how shes just trying to navigate through her own life but fucking pathetic men keep latching onto her at every turn
10.
I just bought a 36 pack of toilet paper rolls. I am not the woman for you.
11.
Today I saw two elderly women with an iphone, giggling hysterically while they learned to take selfies, and now I know who I want to be when I grow up.
12.
A bridal accessories shop called Veil Yeah.
13.
*sets phone down to charge* *blinks* *starts rummaging through my purse for my phone*
14.
*puts on glass slippers* *takes one step* *shoes shatter* *shards stab feet* *face-plants* *ruins fancy dress* *crawls for help* *leaves bloody trail for tracking* ~ Me, as Cinderella
15.
DO NOT call me baby girl! i am a baby woman
16.
*firing tampons from a Nerf gun at children in the mall* oH, I'M SORRY, DOES FEMINISM FRIGHTEN YOU?!?
17.
Give a man a fish & he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish & he’ll be like “um actually i know how to fish, i’ll show you” & you wish you had your old fish so you could throw it at him
18.
Girls don’t want boys. Girls want to glide down ladders in their own private library while their red cloak flutters behind them, owning swords and many chocolates, with fast WiFi at all times.