1.
YOU: I have to tell you something ME: same, let’s say it together YOU: ME: I want to the genie in Aladdin break up didn't have no nipples
2.
When you come into work dressed as the carpet. I am MORTIFIED.
3.
Expecting Parents, PLEASE I beg you Please look at what your child's name will be spelled backwards. Sincerely, Marlana
4.
Why am I not surprised that some Trumpster thinks he lives in the Lincoln Memorial?
5.
My kid telling me a story
6.
Forgot the word ‘flyswatter’ so I just called it a death spatula
7.
me, holding my emotions in
8.
Me: can you help me access my account? I'm locked out Customer Service: sure, what's your username? Me: P as in pterodactyl, K as in knife, G as in gnome...
9.
Get this kid a book deal
10.
![[during an awkward pause]
Me: …I wonder what happened to the milkman, the paper boy, and evening TV](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/767475161620701188/-VYkYPEq_normal.jpg)
[during an awkward pause] Me: …I wonder what happened to the milkman, the paper boy, and evening TV
12.
started being conscious of what I eat and decided to limit myself to one snack a day
13.
You might be habitually late if your child asks if you will have time to stop the car while dropping them off.
14.
Teacher: there’s no rhyme for orange Me: what about a girl named Angela that has no money Teacher: what Me: *way too close to her face* poor Ang
15.
![My 8yo niece: I have 6 boyfriends
ME: ok wow, that's a-
Niece [interrupts]: I hate all of them](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/837359233159016449/eMctL-nz_normal.jpg)
My 8yo niece: I have 6 boyfriends ME: ok wow, that's a- Niece [interrupts]: I hate all of them
