1.
[books 1-5] harry: how do i defeat voldemort dumbledore: love your friends. [books 6-7] harry: how do i defeat voldemort dumbledore: ok so he split his soul into 7 maybe 8 pieces idk yet but they're all in hidden items and also inside of you so you also have to kinda die and
2.
harry potter: i’m depressed dumbledore: your parents died when you were a baby, cedric and your godfather were killed in front of you, a homicidal maniac is trying to kill you. i get it harry: yeah dumbledore: so i need you to go on a deadly quest to find some soul trinkets
3.
dumbledore: it’s important that u let this baby live with u the dursleys: can we treat him like he’s fucken dogshit dumbledore: lmao ya i literally do not give a fuck
4.
dumbledore, completely wasted: I should have know you’d be here professor mcgonagall some random cat:
5.
me: so how do you guys get around? dumbledore: lots of ways. you can take the secret train me: makes sense dumbledore: fly a broomstick me: fun dumbledore: touch a boot and be sucked spinning through some kind of magic hellscape void me: huh dumbledore: bus
6.
[Hogwarts] Dumbledore: why are my premiums so high? Insurance Agent: moving stairs with no rails, three headed dog in a tower, troll in the bathroom, and a giant snake in the plumbing. Dumbledore: yes but only one student died this year; the others were merely injured : )
7.
HARRY: Professor I didn’t put my name in the Goblet of Fire. DUMBLEDORE: There’s nothing I can do, Harry. HARRY: DUMBLEDORE: HARRY: What is—what’s even your job here?
8.
dumbledore: harry must be safe snape: ok but can i be a dick to him dumbledore: what snape: like, idk, if i wanted to tell him he’s an even bigger pathetic fucken loser than his dead dad i can right lol dumbledore: are u okay
9.
Harry: so a time turner turns back time Dumbledore: yes Harry: to, say, stop two murders Dumbledore: Harry: hello Dumbledore [loudly chewing jelly beans]: crazy how Pluto isn’t a planet anymore lol
10.
slytherin: we won the house cup!!! dumbledore:
11.
quirrell: TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON! dumbledore: everyone to their dorms malfoy: but slytherin’s dorm is next to the dungeon dumbledore: “BuT sLyThErIn’S dOrM iS nExT tO tHe DuNgEoN” lmao do i look like i give a shit
12.
Dumbledore: So you left Voldemort because he killed the woman you loved Snape: Yes Dumbledore: And now you want to “protect” the child of her and the guy you hated by teaching here? Snape: Yes Dumbledore: Lmao sick. I see zero red flags
13.
dumbledore: the first rule is that first years cant have brooms harry: i want one tho dumbledore: lmao ok fair. the second rule is that no rules apply to harry
14.
@leakypod hermione: *saves world* dumbledore: well done harry!
15.
Dumbledore in Goblet of Fire is like: hey kids, welcome to the Death Olympics! I've invited my friends - the French, and the Nazis. if you need any help go ask your new teacher, who is visibly drunk
16.
albus dumbledore adding some points in the last minute for gryffindor because harry potter just breathed https://t.co/upuPkc0LnC