UniformVia ThinkstockSuitVia Thinkstock
Let's face it, a man in uniform is the only man you'll ever need.
GlassesVia ThinkstockNo glassesVia Thinkstock
Glasses, duh. One word: intellectual.
No tattoosVia ThinkstockTattoosVia Thinkstock
Tattoos! This pretty much means it's a creative man with a big heart.
AssVia ShowtimeArmsVia instagram.com
ARMS — to wrap you up in. ;)
SouthernVia Alberto E. Rodruiguez for Getty ImagesEnglishVia Jamie McCarthy Getty Images
If you didn't pick English, you're only fooling yourself. It's sexy as hell.
RolledVia ThinkstockUnrolledVia Thinkstock
ROLLED, DUH. Gotta love a man who's not afraid to get his hands dirty.
EmojisVia Lara Parker for BuzzFeedNo emojisVia Lara Parker for BuzzFeed
Look, too many emojis can come off as overwhelming and nobody needs that in their life.
Kiss on cheekVia ThinkstockKiss on foreheadVia Thinkstock
A kiss on the forehead is cute and sentimental, but a kiss on the cheek is something your grandma does.
No piercingsVia ThinkstockPiercingsVia Thinkstock
There's something edgy and cool AF about a man with piercings.
Boxer briefsVia ThinkstockBriefsVia Thinkstock
OBVIOUSLY BOXER BRIEFS. If you have to ask why, just leave.
Babe...because calling you baby is just weird.
V-neckVia ABCT-shirtVia ABC
V-neck is just weird. We don't have another reason. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Medium-wellVia ThinkstockWell-doneVia Thinkstock
Listen, medium-well is just classier.
ClubVia ThinkstockSports barVia Thinkstock
Look, these are both awful. But the sports bar is the lesser of two evils.
HahaVia Lara Parker for BuzzFeedLOLVia Lara Parker for BuzzFeed
Haha, obviously! Everyone LIES when they text "LOL." Are you *really* laughing out loud?
The waist is more intimate and comfortable. Who wants to be near someone's armpit?
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