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    Posted on Dec 15, 2017

    15 Holiday Tweets So Funny You'll Spit Out Your Eggnog

    Christmas sweater? Haha no I sweat all year round.

    1.

    HER: 🎶 I really can't stay 🎶 ME: 🎶 But baby, it's cold outside 🎶 HER: 🎶 Actually, global temperatures on average… https://t.co/T8EfFhE73k

    2.

    paramedic: [performing mouth to mouth on grandpa] me: oh god not at christmas!! not like this! [holds up mistletoe] ok carry on

    3.

    Christmas sweater? Haha no I sweat all year round

    4.

    I love Little Drummer Boy because I love the mental image of this rando kid going apeshit on his drum in front of this fuckin newborn baby

    5.

    I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Chri… https://t.co/fC4UN86oqR

    6.

    HIM: isn't wintertime just so romantic ME (smiles & my lips crack open & blood starts pouring down my chin): oh definitely

    7.

    *tangled in Christmas lights and hanging upside down from the roof* Her: that’s not the right way

    8.

    Me: You know that song "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"? Son: Yeah? Me: Well in this case it was a Chevy.

    9.

    how to make a christmas song 1. add sleigh bells 2. that’s it, you’re done

    10.

    Me: it’s about to be lit af Mom: just light the menorah ffs

    11.

    The Grinch is more relatable than Santa Claus tbh.

    12.

    The real Christmas miracle is that the Whoville prosecuting attorney didn't charge The Grinch with breaking & entering and grand larceny.

    13.

    LITTLE DRUMMER BOY: I have no gift to bring to lay before the king... shall I play for you parumpapumpum on my drum… https://t.co/1cQxijNs1H

    14.

    you've heard of elf on a shelf have you heard of turning on your blinker BEFORE you turn

    15.

    Them: “Do you remember that part in #AChristmasPrince where...” Me: “I remember everything about that masterpiece...go on.”

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