14 Hilarious Amazon Reviews That Are Just Too Good

There are people who write reviews, and then there are people who write legacies.

1. Rico, who just wanted some goddamn personal space.

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"Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat

I purchased this book as I was tired of people sitting too near me on public transport."

2. This very confused customer.

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"This review is from: How to Poo on a Date: The Lovers Guide to Toilet Etiquette

I am somewhat disappointed. Despite reading this book cover to cover, my date still refuses to let me poo on her."

3. This guy who sold one method of transportation for another.

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"Adidas Men Yeezy Boost 350: $1,4578.05–$3,935.50

Sold my car that I need to get to work but damn it was worth it. When you put these on its honestly amazing. You can really feel the sold Honda Accord when I walk. My wife called me dumb because I had to quit my job (obviously can't get there) and my kids ask why they don't get to eat tonight but when I let them put these on their feet, the immediately forgive me. Definate buy."

4. This clever poem.

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5. This aunt who would rather listen to a yodeling pickle.

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"Accoutrements Yodelling Picke

My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I brought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference."

6. This incredible review for a Power Ranger costume.

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"Go Green Baby

This costume right here son is baller level, like your not even prepared for the level of baller you will be elevated to when you put this costume on. Your gonna want start fighting monsters and playing flutes to summon zords, while your looking FAF in this. Your gonna be teleporting to zordan and alpha 5 so you can chill with them up in the secret power ranger base. The only complaint I have is it didn't come with tommy's pimp status ponytail but a real player can just sprout that bad boy. Honestly, that ponytail might even be too much because an amateur playa might not be able to handle the amount of pink rangers that would be flocking to your fine looking self in this costume. So in conclusion if your looking for a power ranger costume and you don't want to be basic and be on that red or blue bs, you go green baby."

7. Laird, who did not get what he ordered.

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8. These hilariously snarky reviewers.

reddit.com / Via amazon.com

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow Pot O' Gold St. Patrick's Day Cookie Cutter

Dirk: No matter what I did, I couldn't get the cookie dough to rise. My wife said "Oh, honey. It's ok. It happens to all bakers now and then. Which, you know, was nice of her to say. Still, I felt kind of deflated.

DSM: I'm not sure why so many reviews are complaining about the size of this product & it being too big. 5" X 3 3/4" ...seems about average to me."

9. This sassy response.

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10. These people who just said what we're all thinking anyway.

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"Safety Pin Standing Up to Intolerance Car Decal

By Brandon: I think it is a very nice piece, and seems to be made with good quality. However, most of the people do not now what it stands for, and I have been told it looks like a penis.

By Amazon Customer: Yup, that is definitely a penis.

By Amazon Customer: This is such an amazing gift for all your caring friends, who like to have a wiener on their car."

11. This person, who honestly did not ask for this.

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"Allsop Wrist Assist - Ergonomic Wrist Rest for Support & Flexibility.

'Thanks for joining me today Team. We need to come up with the packaging design for our Ergonomic Wrist Rest.'

'What is our target market?'

'Primarily people with weak/injured wrists. I would expect a large amount of them to have Arthritis.'

'Ok. Shall we wrap it in plastic and cardboard and it make it impossible to open?'

'Yes. Ideal. Use all the glue.'

'How much glue?'

'Every last drop we have. Make those limp-wristed weaklings suffer.'"

12. This person who was not happy with her "cow of shame."

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"Udderly worthless

Looks good, nicely made but.... is too small to house a block of butter! Why oh why didn't I read other reviews before buying?????

I think I was seduced by the relaxed look of the cow and just assumed a butter dish would be a great place to store my uneaten butter.

I now have a dull square one from tesco that was only £4 and the cow of shame is hidden in a cupboard. I'm no embarrassed to give it away and too cheap to chuck it.

Thinking about it now it may make a nice passive aggressive present for someone you don't like."

13. This person whose life was actually changed.

reddit.com

"Freshmates changed my life for the better

There was a time in my life when I had no friends, no one to love me, no one to care for me. I was alone. And as much as I tried to deny it, I knew exactly why. I was dirty 'down there' and it was all due to the inferior toilet paper I had purchased.

My posterior was a swamp land of disgusting infestation, the likes of which had never been seen before. I was lost, broken, afraid and worst of all, unclean. I thought my life was over. And yet, as I lay in my stained undergarments of shame, the brown clouds of sorrow parted and Thor arrived on his mighty chariot and handed me a bejeweled box.

'Heed my words,' he said 'for no longer must thou suffer!'

And with that, he opened the box and once my eyes adjusted to the blinding light, I saw a fresh pack of Charmin Freshmates. Oh how I rejoiced! Oh how did I sing the song of the Charmin Angels!

Soon I was clean from head to toe, and now I am a billionaire astronaut football player. I'm cleaner than I have ever been and I owe it all to Charmin."

14. And, finally Keith, who was exceptionally happy with his mattress topper.

reddit.com

"Memory Foam Mattress Topper

Feels like Paula Deen melted a tub of butter and gently placed me in it like a little Baby Jesus."