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17 Funny New Year’s Eve Tweets That Will Probably Make You Snort-Laugh

"I like to yell 'NEW YEAR! NEW ME!' when someone sees me eating out of a family size bag of Doritos."

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1.

if you play Prisoner of Azkaban at exactly 11:36:22 on New Year’s Eve, Hermione will punch Malfoy at exactly midnig… https://t.co/ltSI27xOD5

2.

honestly don't know who to kiss at midnight: my boyfriend or the guy at my local bodega who told me i look like i lost weight

3.

I like to yell “NEW YEAR! NEW ME!” When someone sees me eating out of a family size bag of Doritos.

4.

actively stressed about the social commitment i’ve made to stay up past midnight tonight

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5.

Me in the club on new years eve watching Black Mirror

6.

If anybody says "see you next year" to me on new years eve I'm going to avoid them for the next 365 days. Hope the… https://t.co/JNJZjlRcLr

7.

Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.

8.

When we wake up tomorrow, it will be 2018, and we’ll all be in our 30s. All of us. Each and every one of us

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9.

I'm gonna end 2017 the same way I entered it; tongue-eating a pint of sour cream while sobbing on my porch.

10.

my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth

11.

If this isn’t the year I scornfully toss critical documents into a roaring fire while sipping brandy, so HELP me

12.

All these years counting down the minutes until lunchtime have really prepared me well for this holiday.

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13.

Whomever you kiss at midnight tonight you must mate with for the rest of your life

14.

Boycott kissing men at midnight. It’s New Year’s Eve not New Years Steve.

15.

If you start the My Chemical Romance song “Welcome to the Black Parade” at 11:59:99 on New Year’s Eve, the g note w… https://t.co/1KfipV2bFO

16.

younger me: when I’m older new year is gonna be a PARTY!!! 🎉😍💫 me now, older: *no plans, sitting in bed writing fan… https://t.co/mNfv7f5Epm

17.

New year, new me *finally fixes that plate thing in the microwave so it rotates*