1. When the good times move fast:
My kids were all having fun and getting along, and that was the best 3 1/2 minutes of the entire summer.
2. And when the annoying times move...much more slowly:
I could probably travel to the sun and back in the same amount of time it takes to put sunscreen on my two tiny, wiggly humans.
3. When you can't seem to sync up:
Me: "Thinking about going to bed early tonight.." My kid:
4. When you'd do anything to escape:
My daughter has played the same song on repeat for the last two weeks, and I am ready to confess to crimes I didn't commit. #parenting
5. When you just watch the nightmare unfold:
I used to watch horror films for entertainment, now I just watch my kids bake a cake in our kitchen. 👨🍳😱
6. When literally anything could happen:
I'm at my most scared when we have to leave in 5 minutes and I hear my 7yo turn on the hose outside
7. When you know you are your own worst enemy:
Me: I hate the person who bought our daughter that damn recorder. Wife: You bought our daughter the recorder. Me: Yeah I hate that guy.
8. When even the mess is unpredictable:
"There's nothing worse than Legos all over the floor," I said before slipping on a marble.
9. When you finally see things clearly:
Before kids: Why are they called "throw pillows"? After kids: Oh.
10. When you'd love for your kids to just keep quiet for two seconds:
[peers in window] "YUP THIS ONE'S OURS, IT'S A HUGE MESS" - my son, expertly locating our car in a parking lot
11. When things are probably going just fine:
Just heard my son scream "I'M ASKING NICELY!!!" at my daughter, so summer break is going really well.
12. And when your kid is a little too extra:
5yo: "Mom, can you put some salt on this egg, it tastes pretty regular." Apparently, I'm raising a food critic.
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