Overall, cheating is a traumatizing experience. It's especially heartbreaking if you're the person being cheated on — but it can also be a difficult situation for the "other person." Sometimes people don't know that the person they're being intimate with — emotionally or physically — is married or has a partner. On the flip side of that, sometimes the person does know and still proceeds.
Reddit user u/Virtual_Welder_4525 asked "People who knowingly have slept with someone who was in a relationship, why did you do it?". Here's what people said.
1. "The woman told me she was in an open relationship, I slept with her, then she told her boyfriend about it. Except she left out the part where our hookup was consensual. So the next day I got a call from her boyfriend, threatening to kick my ass for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend without her consent. I had a text history of our conversation leading up to the hookup, as well as her texting me about how good it was after I had left. I sent him screenshots, showing proof of her saying she was in an open relationship, as well as proof it was consensual. He dumped her and apologized for believing her."
3. "It took me a long time to not blame myself and hate her for it. She was leaving her husband. Supposedly. She massively fucked me up to the point that I couldn't listen to certain songs, watch shows, talk about things. I found someone that reversed all of that eventually and I'm happily married. I don't really have a feeling for that other person anymore one way or another. I don't blame myself or hate myself or her anymore. I was stupid and learned my lesson."
4. "Because I loved her and she always told me what an a-hole he was. Now she broke up with me to go back to him."
5. "I was young and a virgin. She was gorgeous and sweet. She spun me a story about how bad her relationship was and I was hooked."
6. "I thought he was a friend who cared about me, fed me all the classic lines about how sad and broken his relationship was. He came on to me hard even when I told him to stop. Ultimately I was young, lonely, and stupid and had a crush on him so it happened. Ended up having a mental breakdown over it and am still kinda fucked up six years later."
7. "It started as a friends with benefits thing before she was in a relationship. Then, when she got in a relationship, things just sorta kept going longer than they should have."
8. "Because I convinced myself and rationalized that I would be better for them and they deserved to be with someone like me instead of the person they were with."
9. "I'd been hook-up buddies with this one guy for like a year. We'd hook up maybe once a month and the sex was great. I was young and this started not long after I lost my virginity. One day I got a random text from him and that seemed weirdly fishy, so I was deliberately cagey in my responses. I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid but it felt like he was trying to get me to say something like 'you and I are having sex' without saying it himself. So a few hours later I texted him again and say, what was up with that."
"So the next day he called me. Apparently, his boyfriend got ahold of his phone and thought something was up. To be clear, this was how I learned that he wasn't single. Until then I had no idea he was cheating on someone with me. So I called it off but didn't block his number. And I let him pressure me into having sex one last time. I told myself, 'well, I didn't tell myself it was right, just that I was a horrible person [and] that I really wanted one last time.' I think part of my justification was: he's been cheating so long, one more time isn't as bad as, say, cheating for the first time. I was wrong and I feel bad, but that's how I justified it to myself."
10. "Because my heart was broken by someone else too and to cope with that, I wrongly normalized any form of wrongdoing. It was the 'life' that I was trying to get along with. I am glad that the messy period of my mind is over now. I did wrong, and I will not repeat that. Never."
11. "She said she was filing for divorce. We were old high school friends and finally hooked up after not having seen each other in 11 years. About a week later I saw on Facebook her husband was coming back from deployment and she was so excited. I called her out on it and she blocked all communication with me. Too bad I was friends with her cousin who then got me in touch with her husband. He said what she did while he was deployed it didn't matter (apparently they were open while he was gone). I still didn't like being lied too and nothing ever came of it, they now have three kids and they are happy as far as I can tell."
12. "She wanted to get with me for years but I said no every time. Shortly after my dad died, I decided it was stupid to deny this when one day I'd be dead too, so the next time I saw her I didn't stop her. Her boyfriend was an asshole in general and was a prick to me for years. I don't feel bad about it, their relationship was fucked up, constantly breaking up and fighting."
13. "Dude owed me a lot of money and all but refused to pay. He and his wife were separated and I just knew it would wreck him if I slept with his wife, so I hooked up with her for a few weeks, until someone else caught my interest. The damage was done. I was a really shallow and vengeful person, I've grown in the last 20 years."
14. "It was an ex, over a year after we broke up. I hit on her at a party and then she showed me her engagement ring. (Yes, I know, I should have looked first, whatever.) I stammered and babbled and we laughed it off. A week later she called me out of the blue and told me she wanted to take me up on my offer. She had told her fiance the story and he told her that she could have 'one last fling.' I hadn't had sex in a month so I didn't even think twice. In the morning she told me it would never happen again and we went our separate ways. Two years later, I heard through the grapevine that she was already divorced. Needless to say, I wasn't surprised."
15. "Because I liked the attention, the feeling of being wanted, and the gifts and free food. The last time we met, he drove us from my place to his. Realization and guilt kicked in when I saw the big house, happy family photos, and their cute kitty. I decided to end it there. It wasn't worth it. I wasn't supposed to be there. The sex was bad, the guy was boring, the gifts were nothing I actually needed, and I got my own money for food."
16. "I made out with her in a club. When we were on our way to my place, she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. I didn’t care at that point TBH. She had already cheated anyway. Why not go for the homerun then?"
17. "It didn’t happen but was close. I was 25, she was 33, hot as hell and pushy as can be. Luckily, after accepting her invitation to meet up, I decided to jack off to give myself stamina for later that evening, which led me to guiltily contact her husband and tell him she was seducing me. I thought this would keep it from going too far. He didn’t believe me. He even said I was a moron for thinking she’d be into me, and she was just being friendly. I then decided I was going to sleep with his wife to spite him. So I called her and said 'see you in a bit' but she said, 'I can’t believe you told my husband. Never talk to me again.' If I’m being completely honest, the 43-year-old me regrets not sleeping with her."
18. "We had loved each other for 20 years. He almost died last year, and we decided we should be together before he actually dies. He is 80 and married. He and his wife live in separate apartments in the same building. I (43/F) am legally separated from my husband."