Note: This post contains mentions of abuse.
Depending on the circumstances, it could be extremely difficult to end a relationship or even marriage. However, there are times when you might reach a breaking point that causes you to finally call it quits, for whatever reason.
Reddit user u/donutnolikey asked, "What was your 'OH, HELL NAH' moment in a relationship that made you leave?" and reading the many responses about why people chose to leave their partners took me on an emotional roller coaster. Here are some of them.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1. "There was a lot of crap, but this was the final straw. I locked the door before going to bed one night when he was out late with friends. He had lost his house key and never bothered to mention it, which was somehow my fault. He woke me up by banging on the window, and when I let him in, he began screaming and throwing things at me. He told me to pack up my stuff and leave and locked me out of our bedroom. I slept on the couch. The next morning, he acted completely normal, as if nothing had happened. I was gone that day because I no longer felt safe."
2. "She stole my car, drove it from Washington to Las Vegas, and married a guy she met on Xbox Live so he could get residency."
3. "My now–ex-wife started an argument with me one morning when I was headed to the funeral of a childhood friend. I asked if she could not do this right now. Her response was, 'Oh, poor you.' That was the beginning of the end."
4. "She crawled through my doggie door at 1:30 a.m., went through my phone, and then asked me why I was talking to another woman. Oh, I forgot to mention that I'd broken up with her a month earlier. We were not in a relationship when she pulled that stunt."
5. "I was in a relationship with a woman for a while, and she used to always mock my taste in music and various other choices. It was kind of mundane things, like personality-reflective things — TV shows I liked, artists I liked. We went on a driving trip (definitely the best way to see if a relationship will work, let's be honest). I just kind of had this epiphany that I was in an abusive relationship, but I didn't have low self-esteem, so it wasn't really affecting me. For the most part, I would just think it was weird or think, What's she on about this time? I broke up with her about two weeks later."
6. "My ex-boyfriend was angry his mom had woken him up at 10 a.m. via phone call. So after the call, he punched a hole in his door, threw his phone at the window, woke me up forcefully, and yelled at me to buy a new door so his parents wouldn’t kick him out."
7. "I noticed that I was always trying to be asleep by the time she got back from drinking, and that was because she would regularly black out and get mean (not in a sexy way) with me."
8. "I was in a five-year relationship with this guy who was psychologically abusive. One year, my sister-in-law was having pregnancy complications, so my family decided to go to their house for Christmas so she didn't have to travel the five hours to get to us. I told my boyfriend and he said, 'Well, obviously you're not going.' Turns out that not getting to see my family on Christmas was just the push I needed."
9. "She posted crap on social media every single time we fought. At first, it was always something indirectly about when she was feeling blue, then it escalated into mentioning me several times. There was this one time when we were fighting that she decided to insult me on her Facebook post, and I decided that was it."
10. "He was polyamorous — literally dating other people — but got super upset and jealous when I would hug my friends."
11. "He never introduced me to his friends. He would actively avoid being seen with me by people he knew. I pretty quickly asked him what was his problem. His answer was that I needed to change my appearance because he didn't want people seeing him date a weird goth chick. Dumped him right then and there."
12. "We were watching TV, and I was lying on my stomach beside her on my bed. She poked my butt and I asked her not to. I tickle easily. A few moments later, she did it again but poked my butthole. I jerked and grabbed her arm. It was involuntary and a reflex, you know, how people react when tickled or poked in a sensitive area without warning. I was frustrated, and when she realized I was not enjoying the ordeal, she began to accuse me of hitting her. We were 19."
"I decided I should just take her home, since the mood was kind of off and I wasn't sure what to make of her accusation. As I was driving her home, we were discussing everything and she said she was going to tell her dad I hit her. I slammed my brakes and told her that hitting her was the furthest thing from the truth and we both knew it. Told her to get the fuck out. She quickly apologized after seeing I wasn't about to play the game. I drove her home for the last time. When your partner starts making stuff up that can affect your life...OH, HELL NAH."
13. "When he made new female friends whom I wasn’t allowed to meet or talk to."
14. "She didn't mention me to a guy she went out with. When he asked who I was, she said, 'A guy who's into me.' She thought she wasn't wrong because she wasn't technically lying."
15. "He owed me about $3,500, most of which I owed to my parents because he used to manipulate me into asking them for money so we could buy weed. After over two and a half years of paying for every good time we ever had, constantly stressing over money and getting nothing in return, I was close to giving up on him anyway. Then we went out after work for drinks and he won $100 on the pokies. I had been buying his beers all night, so I asked him to get me ONE back. He said no.'"
"We got home, and I started cooking us dinner as I always did. I got halfway through chopping the garlic and thought, Why the fuck am I still doing this for him!? I put my knife down, looked him dead in the eyes, and told him to get the hell out of my house. Almost three years by that point, and it took me less than five minutes to end it."
16. "A five-year relationship, a house, and a kid together. She left at 3 a.m. after we had some drinks and was with some guy driving around until 5 a.m. I panicked when I woke up and she wasn’t there. I called her, but she was rude to me and hung up, then wouldn’t answer at all after. I got scared, since this had never happened before and she'd had some drinks. We shared locations on our phones, and she was out on a dirt road miles away from where we usually go off-roading. She was hanging with some guy because apparently, she needed someone to talk to and it wasn’t me. This really broke my trust in her, and after that, things just declined and I became more distanced. It broke my heart."
17. "She went for a drive after a night out with her coworker. She came back home and told me about it. She had told me a week before that she was up all night on the phone with said coworker. I told her to leave and pack her shit. That, coupled with the fact that she was a narcissistic person, made it very easy to call it quits. I did not spend the last four to five years of my life, prior to meeting her, trying to build myself up into the best version of myself I could be just so she could tear that shit down."
18. "My best friend is female, and we have been friends for 18 years. I was out with a new girlfriend and ran into my good friend at the mall. The friend hugged me and I introduced her, and I thought all was well until we got home. The girlfriend freaked out and said my friend broke 'girl code' and I wasn't allowed to talk to her anymore. Sidenote: She had male friends that I didn't freak out over — I pointed that out and she said, 'It's different, you're a guy,' to which I said she has issues and this wasn't going to work out, and never looked back. I'm not throwing away a lifelong friend to appease a jealous girlfriend."
19. "First Mother’s Day as a mom, and I had just gotten my first period after a brutal emergency C-section. I was so sick, I could only crawl to the toilet. I should have been hospitalized, but I was too mentally incoherent to know. My ex ignored the special occasion, ignored my need for help, and ignored our newborn, whom I was too unwell to feed or hold, so he could go out with his friends. When I called him in tears, begging him to come home, he made it sound like he was doing me a favor. I kicked him to the curb as soon as I was strong enough. No regrets."
20. "He refused to use soap. Yes, this includes hand soap. He believed that water and scrubbing were enough to keep yourself clean and it was important not to strip your body of its natural oils. I must admit, he did have really nice hair and skin, but he always smelled bad, and I could not get over the fact that he didn’t even use soap after using the bathroom. I have no clue what he does if his hands get sticky or really dirty; I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. Thankfully, we never got physical or made it official, but we talked and went on dates for a month, and I still get the ick when I think about him."
21. "When she told me my best friend was her soulmate the same night she met him."
22. "I dated a guy long enough to become close with his family, and one day we were having dinner at his house, and his mom asked me — at the table with the family — how I liked this new restaurant in the area, as if I’d been there. When I said I hadn’t been there yet, she asked, 'Oh, I thought that’s where you two went last weekend?' We had not gone out that weekend, and that’s how I found out he was dating other girls and telling his mother he was going out with me. The 'hell nah' part was that he could lie so easily to his mom and she believed him. If a guy treats his mom like shit, he’s not going to respect his wife, either."
23. "A few years ago, at the beginning of one of the worst winters I’ve seen, my girlfriend wasn’t feeling well, so I got some flowers and soup and walked them to her place as a surprise. Right when I got there, she was walking out, dressed extra nice. She said she had to get her stepdad milk and didn’t have enough time to give me a ride home (it was like three blocks away) — and her stepdad was lactose intolerant."
If you have a story to share where you ended a relationship, for whatever reason, tell me about it in the comments below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.