When it comes to dating and relationships, red and green flags are talked about in terms of someone's behavior and personality usually outside the bedroom. So I was intrigued when I saw an entire Reddit thread discussing intimacy green flags, like a partner — or someone you're casually hooking up with — respecting your sexual boundaries or someone getting pleasure by pleasuring their partner. The thread has even more of these types of responses. Here are some of them.
1. "Understanding that it's not personal or that it's still a good time when it doesn't end with an orgasm. Or when it takes longer to get there 'than usual.'"
2. "When the person is mature about using lube. I’ve had guys get offended and accuse me of not being wet enough. Sorry for not wanting to tear myself a new vagina."
3. "Getting pleasure from your pleasure."
4. "I was into this girl I'd been messaging on Tinder, and when we hooked up, we laughed about stupid stuff so much. I was so, so much more into her after that. Laughing during sex, like when you just have no care in the world beyond fooling around and having fun, is the best sex there is. I look back on stuff like that, and just the thought of how good that felt is hotter than any porn ever could be."
5. "The first time my girlfriend and I had sex, as we were leading up to it, I kept asking if I could do XYZ before I did it. She later said the fact that I paused each step of the way to make sure she was okay with proceeding made her feel like she really picked the right guy."
6. "The cheeky touches throughout the day that build up for the night."
7. "They communicate what they want and ask how they can give you what you want."
8. "A guy who doesn't end all intimacy the second they finish. It's pretty jarring for women to go from the intimacy of sex to being treated like an unwelcome houseguest in 30 seconds flat."
9. "Masturbating while they go down on you. These people go to heaven and deserve everything good in life."
10. "My now-boyfriend and I were hooking up for like the second time ever. Deep into the third round that night, I was sore and achy but trying to hide it because I still just couldn't get enough of him. With one thrust he made, I winced in pain, but I got myself together and put what I thought was a pretty-convincing, 'hungry sex kitten' expression back on my face. Well, when I tell you that man stopped on a dime, pulled out, kissed me gently, and said, 'I only want it to be good for you or we're done for the night. I don't want to hurt you,' I melted. He put his clothes on and left the hotel just to get me some cranberry juice and painkiller. He snuggled me and kissed me until we fell asleep. The consideration and care were just god tier. Paying attention to your partner's body language and comfort is a huge green flag."
11. "A soft and slow bite on the lip with a bit of pulling."
12. "Eye contact. Doesn't sound very NSFW on the surface, but the eyes can be the sexiest part of a woman, and if she gives you the right look, it can be the hottest thing in the world."
13. "When she says what she wants. Not dirty talk or anything like that. Real communication about turn-ons and turnoffs, what hits the spot perfectly, and also listening to her partner's wants. Proper communication goes a long way."
14. "Remembering your post-sex routines and helping to facilitate them. I knew a guy was good when we slept together again years later and he remembered exactly what I like afterward."
15. "The first time I slept with my guy, the first thing he said to me when we got in bed was, 'Tell me how to make you come.' It was ridiculously attractive that he not only cared about getting me off but also understood he would need to learn my body and what felt good for me, and he wasn't afraid or too cocky to ask."
16. "When their expectations and knowledge aren't built on pornography."
17. "Not expecting or demanding anything they aren't willing to do themselves. Like demanding head while refusing to give it."
18. "When they caress and compliment the parts of your body that society might deem unsexy."
19. "Holding hands while you’re getting it on and also even if you’re doing something rougher, still taking a moment to say 'I love you' — it’s so wholesome and makes me feel so safe."
Are there any intimacy green flags that you appreciate? Share them with me in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.