The emergency room is one of the last places you want to find yourself at — for any reason.
1. "I went to the ER with a kidney stone and was accused of being a drug seeker because the radiologist report said my CT scan was clear. I had to produce films showing a large stone in my left ureter before the doctor would treat me. The report also said that my uterus looked normal. My wife got a good laugh out of that and suggested that I carry our next child. I didn’t think it was that funny."
2. "I went to the hospital during my first year of college. I was a sheltered kid who went to a party school and got too crazy one night (like, a Thursday, too — embarrassing). I got super sick and kept throwing up, so the girls across the hall took me to the ER because they were scared I might have alcohol poisoning — or that I was too dehydrated. Turns out I had burned a hole in my stomach lining. Stomach acid, coffee, and tequila are not a good mix. I could only have liquids for the next two weeks, which meant I had to not eat anything for Thanksgiving the week after. That was the worst part — because after surviving off of energy bars the entire semester, I missed my mom's cooking. The hospital staff had to restrain my arms because I kept waking up confused and ripping out my IV, like they do in the movies...10/10 embarrassing and cringe."
3. "I broke my foot doing the 'putting on skinny jeans' dance-and-jump like a true former emo kid. The woman taking my X-rays told me I had to come up with a better story."
4. "I went to the ER with the sharpest, most excruciating pain in my abdomen. I had blood drawn, gave a urine sample, and even had an ultrasound — only to be told I was just very constipated."
5. "I was in high school, and I honestly can’t remember what crafty project I was working on, but it was on my bed — with clothing and sharp scissors. Somehow, the scissors got wrapped up in the clothes and ended up sticking up. Well, I felt a sharp pain sitting down on my bed. I went to the bathroom, found blood, and fainted for the first time in my life, face-first, onto the floor. Luckily, the wound wasn’t too deep and didn’t puncture anything, but I now have a scar on my butt from the time I sat on scissors. Good times."
6. "I was in the ER last week for spraining my wrist while opening a lollipop."
7. "I was 17, on the hormonal pill for medical reasons, and it gave me a constipation episode that lasted three weeks, during which I simply forgot that humans need to poop. Cue to my mom learning about it and taking me to the ER, where they had me do an enema to see if it would work or if they needed to manually dis-impact me. Thankfully, it got things going and I was able to leave with no additional procedures."
8. "One time, I was making a birthday gift for my brother and was using super glue. While I was squeezing the tube, some shot out at my eye and I had to go to the ER to get it cleaned, which they did immediately — but then I had to wait seven hours for an exam."
9. "I was trying to sort out the low battery on the smoke alarm and couldn't reach, so my genius self climbed onto the countertop. I fell about 4 feet and unfortunately landed straight on my already bad leg that was weak from ACL reconstruction. I ended up in A&E (accident and emergency department) at 10:30 p.m. and was on crutches for two weeks. Surprisingly, nothing broken."
10. "My boyfriend and I had some wine and decided to fool around while tipsy. I am a victim of very bad pregnancy paranoia, so we were using a condom just to be extra safe. Post-coitus, my boyfriend looked at me, panicked, and told me he 'couldn’t find it.' We looked all over the floor, in the sheets, behind the mattress, until only one location was left: me. I am not someone who easily panics and goes to the ER, so I did some fishing around up there but felt nothing, and came to the conclusion that it had disappeared into thin air."
11. "I sent my poor husband to the ER when he tickled me and I stuck my hand out in self-defense, unfortunately scratching his cornea with my fingernail. The doctor who treated him very seriously asked him if he was being abused (which, like, I'm glad they ask men that, honestly), but we were both so embarrassed by the whole thing."
12. "My now-husband took me to the ER at midnight because I was crying hysterically and having a panic attack because a ladybug got stuck inside my ear. Spoiler alert: There was no ladybug in my ear."
13. "Not the ER, but I had to go to see my walk-in doctor after my boyfriend at the time and I played around with some rope in the bedroom. He kept trying to tie my wrists up, but no matter how tight it was, I kept escaping. Finally, he used a combination of rope and a belt that kept them tied. My hand was numb and I had sharp shooting pain. When I went to the doctor, I found out my sexual adventures had caused nerve damage — and I needed a shot of something in the butt to heal it. When he told me I needed it in my butt, I was like, 'You’re kidding, right?' He was not."
14. "I was an au pair abroad. The kids I was looking after had a pizza party. One of them dropped an olive off their pizza on the stairs and didn’t notice. I was running down the stairs and slipped on that olive, causing me to fall down the stairs. I ended up with a high ankle sprain and had to be on crutches for two painful weeks."
15. "After a very lackluster hookup, I realized I was bleeding profusely — but knew it wasn’t my period. After I had bled to the point of unconsciousness, my sister frantically brought me to the ER, where I ended up needing multiple blood transfusions and emergency surgeries to repair a laceration and multiple arterial bleeds. I was admitted to the hospital overnight and had to have a very interesting convo with my parents (I was living in my childhood home at the time) about why their youngest was in the hospital with a sex injury. The worst part was that because this was a suburban hospital, the residents on staff hadn’t experienced this type of trauma before, so everyone was called over to come see. All I can say is, I’m glad I’m OK. And use lube, people!"
16. "I bought a vibrator from a well-known retailer. Decided to try it out, but it malfunctioned and caught fire, burning my flaps and causing pain like hell. I went to A&E and waited to be seen by a nurse. The curtain opened and it was my BROTHER, who was the nurse on duty. I was mortified."
17. "It was my nine-year anniversary with my boyfriend, and I was getting ready for our date. I was using a brand-new curling iron, and because of that, I didn't realize the interchangeable top wasn't properly screwed on. I ended up dropping the barrel on my inner thigh and going to the emergency room. I had to walk into the emergency room with my pants half down and an ice pack taped to my thigh. Trying to explain to the doctors and nurses what happened was probably the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. I just know they all went home and told their families. I ended up with third-degree burns and couldn’t even go on my date. I’ll never forget that anniversary, that’s for sure."
Do you have any other embarrassing ER stories you can share? Share them with me in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.