Buzz·Posted on Oct 10, 2011The 32 Wittiest Comebacks Of All TimeDon't ever try to diss any of these historical figures. You will feel the burn for the rest of your life.by Jack ShepherdBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Calvin Coolidge Vs. Some Random Lady At A White House Dinner 2. Oscar Wilde Vs. Lewis Morris Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship. 3. Winston Churchill Vs. George Bernard Shaw 4. Winston Churchill Vs. Lady Astor 5. Calvin Coolidge Vs. An Opera Singer 6. Muhammad Ali Vs. Joe Frazier 7. Winston Churchill Vs. A Member Of Parliament 8. Winston Churchill Vs. Bessie Braddock 9. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Vs. An Admirer 10. Miriam Hopkins Vs. An Anonymous Singer 11. Ilka Chase Vs. An Anonymous Actress 12. John Wilkes Vs. John Montagu 13. Mohandas Gandhi Vs. Western Civilization 14. Edna Ferber Vs. Noel Coward Coward was remarking upon the fact that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit. 15. James McNeill Whistler Vs. Oscar Wilde After Whistler had made a particularly witty observation. 16. Pierre Trudeau Vs. Richard Nixon Upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole. 17. Thomas Reed Vs. Henry Clay 18. Earnest Hemingway Vs. William Faulkner 19. John Barrymore Vs. A Woman In The Lady's Room Barrymore was drunkenly urinating in the wrong bathroom, and turned to face his accuser, penis in hand. 20. Robert Benchley Vs. A Man In Uniform 21. Niels Bohr Vs. A Reporter 22. Groucho Marx Vs. A Contestant on "You Bet Your Life" After the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10. 23. Henry Clay Vs. Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster After seeing a pack of mules walk by. 24. Alcibiades Vs. Pericles 25. Abraham Lincoln Vs. Stephen Douglas After Douglas called him "two-faced" during a debate: 26. Bill Clinton Vs. Dan Quayle After Quayle revealed that he planned to be "a pit bull" in the 1992 campaign against Clinton and Gore. 27. Reverend Edward Everett Hale Vs. The U.S. Senate When asked if he prayed for the Senators. 28. Senator Fritz Hollings Vs. Henry McMastor When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test. 29. NY Mayor Ed Koch Vs. Andrew Kirtzman After the reporter insisted on pressing a point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made. 30. Abraham Lincoln Vs. A Foreign Diplomat After the diplomat found Lincoln polishing his boots in his office. 31. Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller Vs. An Attendee At A Church Conference After the man ranted against university education and thanked God that he had never been corrupted by going to college. 32. Dorothy Parker Vs. New Yorker Editor Harold Ross Parker had been on her honeymoon, when Harold Ross interrupted her to ask why she was late with a book review.