What Kind Of Cat Are You?
Everybody thinks you're cute as a button and picks you up and dresses you up in adorable cat outfits. But inside, you are dying. All you ever wanted was to be taken seriously.
Despite your good nature and your very best intentions, your life keeps leading you to a point where you are like, "Oh my God, how did I end up here I want to get down from here how did this happen to meeeee?????"
Normally you're down for a good fun time just like anyone else. But right now you are like, "Nope! This is a bad idea. I want to go home. Take me home right now. I hate this."
Normally, you are so dignified. You make appropriate, rational decisions and you are basically just trying to live your life in a way that you can be happy and that nobody gets hurt. But, oops! How did you end up in this situation that you are in? Anyone in your position would have stuck their faces in the yogurt container, so to speak. So why is everyone making such a big deal about it?
It's not totally clear how you got into this situation. Everyone else seems to be able to "climb the screen door of life" (as the expression goes) extremely well and capably. Why is it so hard for you? The whole thing is just stupid and unfair, tbh.
"What does it all mean?" you are constantly saying. "Why is my life like this?" "How did things get to be this way?" Your duck never answers.
"I am not a morning cat," you often say to people. "Why do I have to go to work again? I went to work yesterday." And yet somehow, you keep doing it.
"I don't mean to be a pain," you are constantly saying. "But could somebody get me a margarita and/or send me on a long beach vacation like 10 minutes ago? I am so, so, so, so, so over this."
People are always asking you to do things and because you are pretty amenable you are usually like, "OK, let's do that thing." And then it always just sucks and you are like, "Why did I do that? Why do I listen to people?"
Everybody always wants to be all up in your business and you are like, "No thanks! I don't really like people? Please go away and leave me alone?" But they don't. They never go away and leave you alone.
When asked for comment, local cat, You, said "I can't. I just can't." By press time, you had made no further clarifications.
Everybody always wants to go out and "do stuff" and "meet people," which is fine for them and it is a free country, but why do they keep inviting you? Don't they know that they could just sit in their pajamas all day? Like, that's an actual thing that people are allowed to do and a free country works both ways, you guys, and this is your choice and you are happy about it.