44 Things You Will Only Understand If You Ride A Bike In New York City

Every day is an adventure when you ride your bike in New York.

1. Close to half your apartment is taken up by your bike.

2. This is how you ride with a friend, but it’s SO ANNOYING when other people do it.

3. This sign means you’re in for some serious pedaling.

4. Because every bridge is a race to the top. Don’t pretend to yourself that it isn’t.

5. “On your left” is asshole code for “I’m faster than you.”

6. You feel bad about yelling at tourists on the Brooklyn Bridge, but you do it anyway. Otherwise they’ll never learn.

Honestly, why are you biking on the Brooklyn Bridge in the first place? It’s never worth it.

7. Getting onto the Williamsburg Bridge from Manhattan is one of the most frightening things you’ll ever have to do.

Google Maps

8. But if you can make it to the top, this is the best moment of the day!

9. You run all the red lights until you see a cop, then a crowd of cyclists gather to pretend like they’ve never broken a traffic law in their life.

10. You know that one day one of these doors is going to open and you’re going to die.

11. You know the sheer, blinding rage of walking outside to discover someone locked their bike through yours.

12. You know that on the first nice day in May, about a million bikers that you will never see again are suddenly all over your commute.

13. There’s nothing worse than pedestrians in the bike lane.

14. Unless it’s garbage trucks in the bike lane.

15. Or bike lane signs in the bike lane?

16. Cop cars in the bike lane…

17. Cop cars in the bike lane trying to make out with each other…


19. Actually, bike lanes in general are way more trouble than you might think.

20. You’re familiar with the sinking feeling of making a bad gamble that it won’t rain.

21. Because you’re left with the choice of wearing New York sludge on your jacket forever…

22. …or else being forced to bring your bike on the subway where EVERYONE WILL HATE YOU.

23. You know it’s not going to be easy finding a place to park during the day.

24. Which is why you hate people who monopolize perfectly good parking spots.

25. And you love scaffolding in a way that no one else could understand.

26. You live in perpetual fear of being judged by the bike store person.

27. If your bike isn’t on LOCKDOWN, this will happen to it.

29. This chain doesn’t count.

30. Neither does this.

32. Sorry, but this is NEVER going to happen.

33. You’re constantly having to remind people in spandex that the West Side Bike Path is not the Tour de France.

34. You have an irrational hatred for pedestrians who walk on the bike side of the bridge.

35. You are a world-class expert at avoiding broken glass…

36. …horse crap…

37. …and delivery men going the wrong way…

38. Everyone uses your basket as a trash can.

39. You know the thrill and the terror of navigating between two buses.

40. Seriously — every day is a gift.

41. But no matter how bad it gets, it’s still better than the MTA.

42. You’re going to get where you’re going 15 minutes faster than your friends taking the subway.

43. And you’re going to love every minute of it.

44. Because once you start riding your bike, you won’t be able to imagine living without it.

Update: Actually, the story from #32 has a happy ending: Against all odds, Michael got his bike back!

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