The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2014
In a difficult year, these were the cats that inspired us; these were the cats that urged us on. These were the cats that changed our lives.
30. "Turn Down For What" Cats
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Whatever you turned down for in this trying year – whether it was grace, forgiveness, the tender caress of a loved one, or because there was nothing good on Netflix – these kittens were right there with you, bobbing their majestic heads in time with the rhythm of your dreams.
29. Secret Agent Cat
"Mr. Purrbachev, CLIMB DOWN THIS WALL!"
- Timely Ronald Reagan reference about this cat
28. The Cat Who Figured Out How To Hammock
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So many critics have pointed out that 2014 was a precarious hammock of a year that it hardly bears repeating, but those happy few who survived the year's ravages by calling upon the fluffy white cat that is perseverence will see the wisdom in this beautiful video.
27. Butterfly-Befriending Cat
“I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days – three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.”
- John Keats, in one of his many letters to this cat
26. Broccoli Fan
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This viral advertising campaign by the powerful American Broccoli Commission used only SAG-certified cat actors, detectable by their stylish neckercheifs.
25. Kitten Who Is Afraid Of The Rug
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This sensationalistic hit piece by an anti-rug advocacy group featured another of the truly great feline performances of 2014.
24. Cat Who Tried To Get On The Bed
Remember this: It is given to us to rest our tired heads not when it suits us but only when our work is ended in this world of toil. Thus it is that those who climb too early to their repose will be cast ignominiously back upon the ground.
23. Cat Meeting The Neigbors' Fake Raven For The First Time
It is often remarked that life is but a series of meetings and partings, but there is nothing in this world that can adequately prepare you for meeting the neighbor's fake raven for the first time.
22. Taylor Swift's Cat, Olivia Benson
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Much like Olivia Benson, many of us would have struggled to get through 2014 without at the very least some cursory guidance from Taylor Swift.
21. Cat Who Befriended A Rabbit
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"You will not go far upon the road of life unless you befriend the rabbit that is self-understanding."
- Actual saying
20. Cat Who Is Genuinely Pleased To See Someone
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Love is the held gaze; the long, quiet vigil; the gentle pressure of a firm hand in an unfirm world; the frenzied "murp, murp, murp, murp, murp, murp, murp" of an eager cat running down the stairs.
19. Cat Who Thought She Was A Squirrel
Anyone who has ever felt that they were different, feared that they didn't belong, or found themselves absent-mindedly burying an acorn in the sand to save for the winter will discover strong reasons to identify with this special animal.
18. Mr. Bugglesworth
With the help of his brave and supportive person, Mr. Bugglesworth made a powerful dent in the fur ceiling this year by claiming his God-given right to appear in the school yearbook.
17. Kitten In A Cherry Pie Bed Clutching A Teddy Bear
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At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the kitten is,
In a cherry pie bed, clutching a teddy bear.
- T.S. Eliot (paraphrased)
16. The Cat Who Tried To Apologize
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"Seeking forgiveness should never be a passive act: It is a physical manifestation of remorse, and as such it must be forceful (and, if necessary, violent)."
- This cat, not quite understanding remorse
15. Cat Who Wanted To Be A Star
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"Do you ever have the feeling that your life isn't really about you? That, like, maybe you are just the star in someone else's yoga video?"
- This cat, discovering one of the universe's hardest truths
14. Cat Who Turned Himself Turquoise, By Rolling In Paint
"Let he who has never turned himself turquoise by rolling in paint cast the first stone."
- Powerful Biblical rejoinder against those of you who are tempted to judge this cat for his completely understandable mistake
13. Cats Welcoming Soldiers Home After Their Long Tours Of Duty
When Penelope welcomed the warrior Odysseus home after his 20-year absence, her knees gave way and she wept for joy. But at first – due to the hardship and the heartache of her long and faithful wait – she did not recognize her beloved.
That's not what's happening here. These cats are just assholes.
12. Confused Cats Against Feminism
Cats are lovely and purry and soft and nice, and these are laudable traits, but the harsh truth is that they are about as progressive as a "Math is hard" Barbie.
11. Cat Who Suddenly Realized She Was A Cat
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Heidegger tells us that we cannot be "Authentic" unless we embrace the vertiginous dread that comes from facing our true self, but he is unhelpfully silent on what we should do if we discover that this true self has whiskers and pointy ears.
10. Cat Who Is Thinking 'Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat Cat' As He Walks
2014 has been an unbelievably trying year, and only a monster would blame this fine young gentleman for thinking "cat cat cat cat cat cat cat" to himself as he bravely pranced his way through it.
9. Cat Who Loved The Vacuum Cleaner
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"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."
- Quote from the Cat Bible about cats and vacuum cleaners that this cat has taken literally
8. Slowly Backing-Away Cat
A hero is not born great but becomes great the first time she faces a challenge and shouts "Here I stand!"
For more sensible types, like this cat, the very best thing to do is to back away ever so slowly from a challenge and pretend the whole thing never happened.
7. Garfi
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In a year with a great deal to be irritated about, Garfi heroically found time to be irritated about some of the things that the rest of us passed over, specifically turkey, hats, and sitting.
6. Yaaass Cat
“I was a Flower of the mountain yaaass when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yaaass and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yaaass and then he asked me would I yaaass to say yaaass my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yaaass and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yaaass and his heart was going like mad and yaaass I said yaaass I will Yaaass.”
- James Joyce, after watching this Vine
5. Cat Who Interrupts 'Let It Go'
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If only more of us had possessed both the fortitude and the creativity that this cat shows in preventing people from singing "Let It Go," 2014 would have been a vastly more tolerable year.
4. Cat Who Wants To Be Picked Up
When your time comes, and the Great Hairy Man in Athletic Shorts in the Sky™ picks you up to take you home, think of this cat and be at peace.
3. Whack-A-Mole Cat
Futile as it may seem, we must keep whacking the moles in our lives or they will combine to overwhelm us. I mean this literally.
2. The Hero Cat Who Saved A Toddler
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While literally all of the other cats slept through the entire year on the sofa, this hero cat actually did something in 2014, and it was worth it.
1. Setsu-Chan, the Beautiful Cat With the World's Ugliest Sleeping Face
This tumultuous year was a year of alternating hope and horror, triumph and despair, the most transcendent loveliness and the most indelible scars. This year was the year of Setsu-Chan, the beautiful cat with world's ugliest sleeping face.
