You know that thing you do where you’re always pretending to be swimming in shark-infested water and disrupting commuters during rush hour? Fucking stop it.
Awesome armbands, dude, but most normal people who regularly make-believe that they are Olympic gymnasts do so on the playground.
I know you guys are in love and everything, but I only have one day left to live, and I’d prefer not to spend it propping my broken body up against the rail next to the courtesy seats, whatever the fuck those are.
Drinking yourself into a catatonic stupor to forget the string of failures that can be loosely defined as your “life” is a ritual that should be reserved for home and family-time. People need to get through these doors right now.
- Siege at Bangladesh cafe ends with 20 hostages dead, military officials say. Six gunmen were killed and 13 captives were rescued.
- Votes are being counted after Australia went to the polls in an election that could mean big things for marriage equality and the Great Barrier Reef 🇦🇺
- The Obama administration, which has been notoriously secretive about its drone policy, said drone strikes have killed up to 116 civilians.
Report an Issue
Drag to highlight one or more parts of the screen.
We got your feedback, and we'll follow up with you at