1. Step 1: Be a monkey. Preferably some kind of snow monkey. This one’s a Japanese Macaque. He’ll do.
2. Step 2: Make this face. But the whole time you are making this face you should also be clandestinely rolling, like, an insanely large snowball that can really do some damage to some monkeys.
3. Step 3: Find a nemesis. This guy is your nemesis. If you look real close, you can see that he’s not just a pretty face: He is ALSO assembling a giant snowball for the likely purpose of winging it at you.
4. Step 4: Say something cutting and hurtful. All diplomatic solutions have been exhausted. This is the point of no return.
5. Step 5: Get him!!! Get him real good with that snowball.
6. Step 6: Hot tub, obvs.
7. That’s pretty much it. You’re free to go kiss up to the nature photographer now, you narcissist.
8. The end.
- Trump has named H.R. McMaster as his new National Security Adviser, replacing Michael Flynn, who resigned last week.
- Russian ambassador to the UN Vitaly Churkin has died after suffering from cardiac arrest this morning, a day before his 65th birthday.
- Senator Ron Wyden will soon introduce legislation requiring warrants before phones can be searched at the US border.
- A girl's best friend showed up to her date in a fake mustache to spy on her and it is the definition of friendship goals 😎