Just in case you’ve never booped before, or you need your memory refreshed, here is how a boop works.
Got it? OK, good. Let’s get to the list.
26. The Classic Boop (aka, The “I Boop Your Nose” Boop)
This is the no-frills, standard-issue, “classic” boop. Just boop the nose, say “Boop!” and go about your day. Nothing at all wrong with that.
25. The Upside-Down Boop
Turn the tables on a would-be-booper! Remember: Even if you appear to be in a compromised position, all it takes is a quick-thinking full-pawed boop to completely change the game.
24. The Head-To-Head Boop
Booping isn’t always hand-to-nose though! Advanced booping can take a variety of interesting forms. Real men, for instance, boop with their foreheads.
23. The Deep-Meaning Boop
This is a variation on the “Classic Boop” that requires an extra-large helping of love in your heart. Do not attempt unless your heart is positively brimming with love.
22. The Ele-Boop
All you need for this boop is a friendly disposition and a two- to three-foot long trunk.
21. The Gentle Admonishment
Need to tell someone what you really think about the way they’re behaving? Why not say it with a boop?
20. The French Boop
Also known as the “get a room already” boop.
19. Super Serious Boop
Boops can often have a playful element, but that does not mean that they should be treated with anything except the utmost seriousness when the occasion calls for it.
18. Airplane Boop
Do not try this boop. This is a bad boop.
17. Unexpected Ninja Boop
This is a great boop to try if (a) you’re not 100 percent sure how your partner feels about booping and (b) your partner is (for instance) a ferocious lion.
16. Drive-By Boop
For booping when you’re in a hurry!
15. The (Nautical) Drive-By Interspecies Boop*
*Extremely high degree of difficulty. Attempt this boop with caution.
Also known as the “Friendly Encouragement” Boop. Extra points if you can execute this boop underwater.
13. The Baby Boop
Find a baby. Boop the baby.
12. Chicken Boop
Find a chicken. Boop the chicken.
11. The Shark Boop
Find a shark. Actually wait, no, DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS BOOP. GET OUT OF THIS BOOP. GET. OUT!
10. The Overly Dramatic Boop
An excellent companion to the “Super Serious Boop,” the Overly Dramatic Boop is for when you’re feeling cinematic and expansive.
9. The Aspirational Boop
Boop your way all the way up the corporate ladder with this boop.
8. The “I Literally Got Your Nose” Boop
This boop is fairly controversial in most booping circles, since the “I got your nose” exclamation that accompanies many standard nose-boops is supposed to be metaphorical.
7. The “I Dub Thee Sir Puppers” Boop
A super specialized boop that is only recommended for Dalmatian puppies or other small dogs with suitable gravitas.
6. The “Reach Out And Boop Someone”
No matter how large they may be, if your tiny little hand can reach as far as their willing nose, be assured: You can boop them.
5. The “Come Here, I Need To Boop You With Both Hands” Boop
This boop can be extremely dangerous for an amateur booper, but, executed well, it is one of the most rewarding boops of all.
4. The Breaking Boundaries Boop
Reach across the interstellar void between the species and boop until the world ends.
3. The “I Know We Have Our Differences But I Love You Anyway” Boop
This boop is a mouthful to say, but it’s also the secret to world peace, so it’s kind of worth it.
2. The Self Boop
Who says you need a partner to boop?
1. The Seated-High-Five Into Forehead-Boop
One of the purest and most impressive boops on the books. If you follow these four steps correctly, you will have high-fived, forehead-booped, and finished off with an elegant variation on the “Classic Boop” - all in one fluid motion. Pat yourself on the back - or, better yet, Self Boop. You’ve earned it!
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