13 Things I Learned When Attempting To Write My First Will

It's not fun, but it's necessary.

There's a reason most Americans don't have a will — thinking about your own death and deciding who should deal with your life post-mortem is a depressing task.

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According to a 2021 poll by Gallup, only 46% of US adults have a will that describes how they would like their money and estate to be handled after their death. 

That means most Americans (myself included) are either avoiding the scary questions a will poses, or are completely unaware that it's something they should do.

But as a new mom, it felt like it was something I had to do. Especially because I wouldn't want my kid to be in limbo while they sort out a guardian. (Or to have my savings be at the mercy of the state.)

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Each US state has its own processes, but in general, if you die without a will, you're letting the state decide who gets your money and who will take care of your children and pets. 

To guide me down this uncomfortable path, I interviewed Patrick Hicks, general counsel at Trust and Will, an online estate planning service.

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Trust and Will is an online service that walks you through multiple estate planning services — you can assign a guardian for your kids, write a will, or put together a trust. When you're done, they ship the documents to you to sign and get notarized. 

1. For starters, a will includes more than just information on who gets what and who will care for your children and pets — it also addresses your feelings toward life support and what you want to happen with your body after you die.

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I had no idea a will was so comprehensive. In addition to addressing how your assets are distributed (money, property, possessions), and who will take care of your children and pets, a will can let your loved ones know when to take you off life support, what sort of end-of-life celebration you want, and how you want your remains handled.

"You can also use your will to leave any parting words, special requests, and wishes. Wills are typically paired with other documents, such as a power of attorney and a living will, that detail what should happen should anything happen to you if you become incapacitated while you are still living," explains Hicks.

2. Because of that, a will isn't just for elderly, rich people — it's for anyone over the age of 18.

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If you're like me, a will might bring to mind whodunit films about dysfunctional family members clamoring for the money of a deceased rich relative. But Hicks says that anyone over the age of 18 should have a will.

"There’s a common misconception that creating an estate plan only empowers wealthy or aging folks. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth," he says. "Having a will in place early on in life is the only way to ensure that you and your loved ones are protected if something unexpected were to happen."

3. It's especially helpful for people who have unusual requests or are in non-traditional relationships.

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If your wishes are straightforward (money and guardianship to your spouse, for example), then everything may pan out just fine without a will. But if you have unusual requests — like you want your kids to go to a friend or your money to a particular charity — then making a will can ensure your wishes are carried out. 

A will is also extra important if you want to leave your assets and after-life decisions in the hands of your partner if you are not married to them or in a registered domestic partnership. 

4. You don't have to hire an attorney to help you put together a will — you can write one on your own or use an online service.

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Although you can hire an attorney to help you put together a will, it’s not required. 

Hicks says, "It’s entirely possible to write a will on your own, and you can even find free downloadable templates online. A great alternative to hiring an attorney is to use a digital estate planning platform, such as Trust and Will, which allows you to create state-specific documents for your particular needs."

5. But you need to make sure the document will hold up in court.

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Every will must go through probate, a court proceeding where your assets are formally passed onto your beneficiaries (aka the people you leave your money to).

In order to make the handoff, the court will first make sure that the will reflects your true wishes — in other words, it wasn't put together when you were ill or incoherent, and you weren't pressured into writing it. To streamline this process, Hicks says, "Many individuals choose to obtain a self-proving affidavit. ... A self-proving affidavit helps establish the validity of the will without the need for the court to call in and question witnesses."

From there, the court appoints an executor to administer the assets (usually someone you appointed in your will). 

"The executor is responsible for collecting all assets, paying any debts or expenses, and then ensuring that the assets are distributed per the wishes of the deceased," explains Hicks. 

6. If you don't want to put your assets through probate, you'll need to write a trust, in addition to a will. 😬

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Any assets in your will have to go through probate, BUT you can avoid the probate process by putting your assets in a trust instead. A trust grants a person or entity (known as the trustee) the legal right to hold and manage your assets on behalf of the beneficiary. For example, you may set up a trust that is managed by a close friend on behalf of your children. 

"A trust is a more modern document that gives you greater control over when and how assets are distributed," explains Hicks. "The trustor or settlor (the person who created the trust) also gains the opportunity to create special conditions or requirements that must be met, even after they have passed away." 

Hicks explains that while a trust is useful in making sure assets and property avoid the probate process, people interested in a trust will still need to write a will. 

"At a minimum, every individual should have a will; they can use it to name guardians and express their final wishes. They can also choose to move all assets and property into a trust that they don’t want to be subject to the probate process. In other words, it’s ideal to leverage both types of documents to ensure your wishes are met," he says.

7. Keep in mind that certain assets — like life insurance and retirement — aren't distributed by your will.

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While your savings, checking, and investment accounts should be listed in your will (or trust), certain assets — including life insurance and retirement — adhere to their own terms. In other words, you should go directly into those accounts and name beneficiaries there. 

Of course, every account is different, so do the legwork and make sure you're clear on what should and shouldn't go into your will or trust.

8. Once you have a will, you need to sign it, have witnesses sign it, and potentially get it notarized.

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Until it's signed, a will is just a piece of paper. The requirements vary by state, but in most cases, two witnesses have to come with you for the signing of your will. (Keep in mind that the witnesses cannot also be beneficiaries.) 

And you might need to get it notarized, depending on your state.

9. In addition to the money in your savings account, you can include things like family heirlooms and cryptocurrency in your will.

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In your will, you'll include a name or names of who you want your assets to go to, but you can also divvy things out to multiple people or entities — like if you want your car to go to charity or a special toy to go to your brother. 

Hicks explains that in your will, "You can also leave worldly possessions, such as family heirlooms, recipes, or sentimental items. You can also include tangible property such as your home and your car. Don’t forget to include other asset types that are easy to overlook, such as digital assets, investments, and cryptocurrency."

10. Probably the hardest part about writing a will, at least for me, is selecting guardians for your kids and pets.

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If you're married or have a dedicated partner, chances are the guardianship question is a no-brainer. But what got me was the process of deciding who my daughter and cat would go to if my husband and I were to both die (aren't wills fun?!).

You can nominate anyone to take care of your kids and pets, but, "Ultimately a guardian nomination is simply that — a nomination that must be approved by a court. In most cases, courts recognize that the parents know best and will uphold that nomination. But a court must always do what is in the child's best interests," says Hicks.

11. Nominating someone who lives out of the country, or even out of the state, can make things tricky. So can nominating a non-family member.

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When it comes to kids, nominating someone who lives out of state could raise concerns for the court. In general, the court prefers to keep the child in state so they can supervise care. 

Nominating a non-family member could also raise concerns. 

Either way, the court will consider your nomination, but ultimately they have the right to do what they think is best for your kids.

When deciding who should be your children's guardian, Hicks says that the court will ask questions like: "Is it in the child's best interests to be uprooted and moved out of state? Is it in the best interests of a child to be cared for by someone outside of the immediate family?"

12. As life changes, you'll need to update or rewrite your will.

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Getting married or divorced, adding new family members, and the death of a beneficiary are all common reasons people want to update their will. To do so, you can either rewrite your entire will (and revoke your previous will) or make a change to your existing will (known as a codicil).  

Either way, you'll need to sign the new or revised document and have witnesses do the same. If you used a program like Trust and Will, you can make unlimited updates and changes to your will for free the first year, and then it's $19 a year.

13. In short, writing a will is difficult, but necessary — especially if you have unusual or specific requests as to who gets what, where your kids and pets end up, and what the end of your life looks like.

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No one ever said writing a will is fun — I personally had to force myself to do it (and this article gave me a much-needed kick in the pants). But I can confirm that it feels good to have the process over with. 

Just keep in mind that Hicks recommends updating your will every 3–5 years, or anytime you go through a major life change.

What do you think? Will you be making a will? Sound off in the comments!

And for more stories about life and money, check out the rest of our personal finance posts.