PSA: Guys, Top 12 Things You're Doing Wrong with Your Tinder Profile
Tinder, guys, you're doing it wrong.
As if adulting weren't difficult enough, there's that pesky little thing us single folk have to deal with as adults: DATING. And my gawd, it's kind of a nightmare. It's nearly impossible to meet anyone in a conventional way (e.g. running into a bespectacled, kind of nerdy, yet, über handsome guy at your local bookstore--you know, the one that looks just like Ryan Gosling), so we've been forced into the awkward shenanigans that are cohesively known as Internet/App Dating. You'd think it'd be easier, what, with most of the fundamental wire pulling out of the way, but it's not. No, instead, you have to worry about catfishing, ghosting (then again, I guess you have to worry about that with or without the aid of the internet), hook-up propositions (contrary to popular belief, I don't think Tinder was intended to be a hook-up app, there's an actual app for that--it's called the 'Casual Encounters' section of Craigslist...also, ew), and rifling through, mostly, by and large, mediocre profiles in hopes of coming across a proverbial 'needle in a haystack.' Which leads me to my next point, some of you are doing it totally wrong (I'm single, so apparently, I am too--we'll get to that another time, though). But don't worry, I'm here to help, that is, if you want to take advice from a single girl. Look, whatever you decide to do with your profile, is your business, BUT, please, please, I beg of you, please avoid the following:
PARTY BOY/GIRL MAGNET
BLURRY/SCANNED/PICS OF PICS
BEAUTY FACE FOR GUYS
LIP LICKING/BITING OVERT SEXY ATTEMPT & FAIL
TROLLING/HELLO, IS THIS THING ON?
We've all got that one person that we wish would just, by some magical force, reach out and say hello (one tiny little, unsolicited "hey," is that so hard?! Wait. Soapbox, sorry. ::steps down::)--but they don't--and until they do, we're all stuck in this seemingly never-ending, maddening cycle of blah-dee-blah, swipety-swipe boredom, so, let's all make it easier on one another and play by the rules, k? K.
The Habitually Single Girl, R.