19 Truly Absurd Breakup Stories
"My girlfriend dumped me because I made her smile too much."
Breaking up is always hard to do, but it's even harder when you're unfairly dumped.
When Reddit user NuclearWinterGames asked, "What's the most ridiculous reason for which you've been dumped?" we knew there would be some juicy tales and righteous indignation. Boy, were we right:
1. "I called her cat the wrong name."
2. "My college girlfriend's dad won $1 million in the state lottery, and she broke up with me saying, 'Now that I'm rich, I can't afford to date regular people like you.'"
3. "My girlfriend dumped me because I made her smile too much. She had braces and it cut up the inside of her mouth."
4. "He thought I asked him to choose between me and his parents."
5. "My ex dumped me because he wanted to be like Paul from the Bible."
"Paul was single and abstinent, but the kicker is that a month later he had a new girlfriend."
6. "He dumped me because I showed too much cleavage."
"We were 14 and I wore a tank top for the first time in his presence. Apparently I had way more cleavage than he was comfortable with and he dumped me over the phone."
7. "She thought I tried to kill her horse with voodoo because I was jealous of it."
9. "I couldn’t find the right pair of stockings he liked, solely for his interest in ripping them during sex."
"When I told him to purchase a pair he liked, he dumped me claiming that I wanted a sugar daddy and not a boyfriend."
10. "A guy actually dumped me because I'm a carpenter, and according to him it's just not ladylike. I told him I knew how to build a casket."
11. "She broke up with me because of my severe fish allergy."
"She said she could never marry someone who wouldn't let her eat fish. So she chose the occasional tuna sandwich over me."
12. "We broke up because I was two months younger than her."
"We had been dating about a month and were carded at a bar. She looked at my ID and saw I was almost two months younger than her. She was mortified and said she doesn’t date younger guys because of how immature they are. We went out one more time and that was it."
13. "He said he didn't want to see me anymore because he didn't like that I had played with a Ouija board when I was a kid."
14. "She broke up with me because I wouldn't get in a fight for her."
"My ex ran into these guys at a flea market who were hitting on her, and gave them my number so they'd called me to 'fight for her.' I said no and she dumped me."
15. "My ex dumped me on Christmas because I got a matching tattoo with my sister on my shoulder."
"He told me that he thought girls with tattoos in that spot are 'trashy.'"
16. "A girl broke up with me because I was 'moving too fast' after I kissed her on the cheek for the first time."
17. "I had a girl break up with me because my texts were green since I didn't have an iPhone. She hated the color of our text chain."
18. "My girlfriend dumped me for her ex, who she reconnected with because of the birthday gift I got her."
"I bought my girlfriend one of the World of Warcraft expansion packs for her birthday. She started playing again, got really into it, and I hardly saw her. She'd play all night and would come to bed just as I was waking up. She had started playing with her ex and it apparently rekindled their feelings for each other, because she dumped me after a couple of weeks of this and got back together with him."