From the beginning, this definitely never sounded like something that's just funny when you're drunk
Lochte said that he was robbed in the early hours of August 14 by Brazilian policemen at gunpoint.
In reality, this happened (and is actually much better)
Lochte and three of his fellow drunk Olympians urinated around the premises, broke a soap dispenser in the bathroom, damaged a door and tore down a sign, the owner of the gas station said.
Shockingly, they got in trouble
I'm not sure why, but they got in trouble.
Actually, the gun was pointed "in his direction" and was "at eye level when he sat on the pavement"
Turns out, security officers at the gas station used guns to "control the situation" so that the Olympians would hand over the money for damages.
Lochte later issued what may be the worst apology ever
"I want to apologize for my behavior last weekend — for not being more careful and candid in how I described the events of that early morning and for my role in taking the focus away from the many athletes fulfilling their dreams of participating in the Olympics," Lochte said in an Instagram apology.
But wait it gets better
"It's traumatic to be out late with your friends in a foreign country — with a language barrier — and have a stranger point a gun at you and demand money to let you leave, but regardless of the behavior of anyone else that night, I should have been much more responsible in how I handled myself and for that am sorry to my teammates, my fans, my fellow competitors, my sponsors, and the hosts of this great event," he went on to say.
Speedo and Ralph Lauren ended Lochte's endorsement deals, with Speedo saying that they would donate $50,000 from his endorsement to Save the Children in Brazil
So that's at least good, right?
'Dancing with the Stars' had much lower standards
The 32-year-old Olympian participates on the premiere of ABC's "Dancing with the Stars" tonight. He plans to prove that he is "loving" and "caring" on the show.