1. It’s hard enough to stand out while dating, so make sure to give yourself an epic name.
Like Tommy Wiseau, which is French-Armenian-Irish for, “The Greek God of Love.”
4. Make it known that you’re the kind of guy who gives 110%.
5. Calling her a princess doesn’t hurt either.
6. Treat your girl-princess right and buy her a stunning spaghetti strap red dress.
7. And a little aphrodisiac, like choc-OOOO-late.
8. Or a dozen red roses from that flower shop with the pug who sits on the counter.
10. Before having sex, pillow fight with a younger neighborhood kid.
12. Set the mood with red candles to match that sexy red dress.
13. Dance. Slowly. Yes, that IS IT.
14. Let your lady love struggle while trying to remove your shirt, so she knows you’ve still got the upper hand.
15. But take off your own pants, LIKE A BOSS.
16. Sheer canopy the fuck out of your bedroom. Just make it RAIN GAUZY.
17. When you finally bone, make it special by staying under the white sheets.
19. If all of that doesn’t work, start drinking a mixture of rose and vodka.
20. Get totally blackout drunk…
21. And let your princess use your tie as a chic head sash.
All while continuing to drink, like a fish.
22. Look, dating is really tough, because chances are that the chick you just boned is gonna cheat with your BFF Mark.
- Caitlyn Jenner told President Trump his administration's rollback of protections for transgender kids was a "disaster" 😳
- Kim Jong Nam, the half-brother of North Korea's leader, was killed with a chemical weapon last week at an airport in Malaysia.
- A Kansas man shot three people after allegedly yelling "get out of my country." He thought two of them were Middle Eastern, but they weren't.
- Beyoncé is backing out of Coachella under doctors' advice. But she plans to headline the festival again in 2018 😭🐝