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Welcome to America! Land of the free, and home of the Sexual Chocolate.
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A country where you can start out as the son of a Sicilian mafioso...
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And wind up an impossibly handsome heir to the Soul Glo fortune.
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It's the kind of place where you can make traffic stop with a simple "TALK TO THE HAND" gesture.
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Or start fresh by making new friends.
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A place where you can expect your requests to be met.
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And demand a better, freer life than the generations before you.
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Sure, everyone has to start somewhere.
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And that "somewhere" is likely to be an incredibly filthy apartment in Queens.
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PS — Don't use any elevators when you're in that Queens dump.
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But most importantly, America is a country where you can choose who you want to fall in love with...
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Especially if you're trying to get over your ex...
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Who was killed because of your mafioso roots.
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Sure, it may take some time to find the right gal.
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OK, a LOT OF TIME to find someone special who's not crazy.
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But when you find that lasagna-loving Garfield to call your own, it's totally worth it.
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Did I mention you should definitely get in good with their father?!
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That's because America is a country where family comes first.
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And you respect your parents.
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Because let's face it: If you don't, they'll have you killed.
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Don't worry, this is something that happens all the time, because as Michael Corleone says...
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But hey, perk up! You can start your own business!
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If you want to, you can treat women as equals.
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Or just let them ask you one question for the rest of their lives.
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Either way, it doesn't matter — you're just living the American dream!
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And with plenty of hard work...
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And Sexual Chocolate...
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People will be lining up to kiss that ring.
