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32 Signs You're A Hollywood Assistant

You're rolling calls while reading this.

1. You've been asked to "update a grid" before.

2. You know that missing a call because you had to use the bathroom isn’t a valid excuse for missing a call.

3. Your weekend plans include reading scripts and doing coverage.

4. You know the exact time of day to bring coffee into the writers room.

5. You get irrationally angry when a client runs late for a meeting, because your boss somehow manages to blame you.

6. Drinking at work is not weird; it's how you survive.

7. And you know exactly how your boss takes their drink, because you have to pour it for them before leaving.

8. Getting off at 7 p.m. is considered early.

9. Pilot season is the most exhausting and terrifying of times.

10. This is how people respond when you tell them your salary:

11. You've stolen food from the kitchen, because the amount you make is a joke.

12. You've done homework for your boss's kids.

13. Hearing a simple thanks when you hand a client a bottled water makes your day.

14. People say horrifying things to your boss over the phone, even though they know you're listening in.

Doesn’t matter though – assistants aren’t humans. Who cares what they hear?!

15. You wake up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat when you realize you forgot to send a dial-in for a 9 a.m. notes call.

16. You have a love-hate relationship with industry drinks.

In that you LOVE drinking, but HATE networking.

17. Working through lunch is something you do every damn day, because taking a lunch is frowned upon.

18. Your boss expects you to remember emails he sent two years ago, because that's a totally rational request.

19. Rolling calls is the bane of your existence.

20. When your non-industry friends bring up an actor or actress this is your response:

21. You know every route your boss can take to get from work to dinner, and which one has the least traffic.

22. You judge other assistants who wear suits to the office.

23. You don't go see a lot of movies during the year, because you just plan on stealing your boss's Oscar screeners.

24. When you hear an intern complain about picking up lunch, this is you:

25. You have your boss's credit card, expiration date, and security code memorized.

26. You fill out a form online at home on a Saturday and start typing your boss's info before your own.

27. You know your boss's schedule so well, you might as well consider it an open relationship at this point.

28. You've had to lie to a client and say that your boss is on another call.

But they really just don't want to talk to them.

29. You recognize the same look of misery and despair in someone else and know for certain, they are a Hollywood assistant.

Hello, friend, welcome to my life.

30. But it's all worth it, because someday you'll be promoted and make actual money.

31. And live in a place where it's beautiful and sunny year round!

32. With an assistant of your own to boss around.