1. If you hear any kind of noise in your house whatsoever, you become convinced that you’re about to be murdered.
3. If someone takes more than five minutes to accept your Facebook friend request, it means they hate you.
Did they accept my request?! No?! What are they waiting for?!
9. Spontaneity isn’t your thing. At. All.
And anyone who suggests an impromptu adventure is dead to you.
11. Sending a text and not hearing back IMMEDIATELY can make you feel like the world is ending.
14. And seeing someone you weren’t expecting to see will damn near give you a nervous breakdown.
17. Missing a call from an unknown number will fill you with dread for the rest of the day.
18. When your boss asks to see you in their office, it’s obviously because they’re about to fire you.
19. If you’re asked to make a speech, you will stress about it before, during, and after.
Did they like it? No one seemed to laugh…
21. Certain TV shows are basically off limits, because you tend to relate them to yourself.
The elimination round of America’s Next Top Model makes me break out in a sweat. And forget trying to watch an episode of The Doctors… I have all of the things they’re talking about.