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If Fortune Cookies Existed For Thirtysomethings

"Watching House Hunters isn't a waste of time; it's an investment in your future."

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1. Because getting older can sometimes be a little interesting.

What doesn't kill you makes you pull out the tweezer.
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What doesn't kill you makes you pull out the tweezer.

2. A reminder that the best things in life are coming your way.

Friday nights have never looked this beautiful.
Maritsa Patrinos for BuzzFeed

Friday nights have never looked this beautiful.

3. The guidance we all need the next time the elliptical asks us to enter our age.

If "flawless" isn't an age, then I'm not entering one.
Maritsa Patrinos for BuzzFeed

If "flawless" isn't an age, then I'm not entering one.

4. The dream of never hearing a twentysomething say the dreaded phrase.

I have gray hairs older than you.
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I have gray hairs older than you.

5. A fortune that taps into what we all secretly want: to retire right now.

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6. Reassurance that the "oldies" station makes you a classic, which is ALWAYS in style.

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7. Some real talk about what happens when you drink now.

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8. Permission to say "NO" to babies.

Just say, "No."
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Just say, "No."

9. And permission to cancel, just because it feels so damn good.

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10. Approval to roll your eyes the next time a twentysomething starts talking about how many weddings they've attended.

They don't even know what's coming to them in their thirties, smdh.
Maritsa Patrinos for BuzzFeed

They don't even know what's coming to them in their thirties, smdh.

11. The one thing we all secretly miss hearing...

I HAVE SOME I.D. THAT I CAN SHOW YOU.
Maritsa Patrinos for BuzzFeed

I HAVE SOME I.D. THAT I CAN SHOW YOU.

12. And proof that all that time you spend on HGTV now isn't going to waste.

You can buy a 2,000 sq foot home in Montana for how much money? BRB, moving to Montana.
Maritsa Patrinos for BuzzFeed

You can buy a 2,000 sq foot home in Montana for how much money? BRB, moving to Montana.

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