1. Behold my 1995 Glamour Shot.
You guys, the above photo is me circa 1995 when I was 10 years old and taken to the mall to have a Glamour Shot. As you can probably tell, I was a kid with frizzy red hair, braces, and a penchant for stirrup pants. (Mostly because of the elastic waist.) Needless to say, I was being hit on exactly never.
That same year, a little film called Casper, starring Christina Ricci, opened on the big screen, and I found myself in the theater and very much relating to the character of Kat. Not because I was being raised by a single ghost-chasing dad, had moved to a new town, or lived in a creepy haunted mansion. No, it was because she was pretty much a loser, and so was I. That being said, she had made a friend! His name was Casper, and while he wasn’t technically alive, he did seem to get her. They hung out together and had good times. I wanted to have good times. It gave me hope that someday, maybe, I’d have a ghost-real-friend too.
5. I remember sitting in the theater, when this song started to play…
Then something really, really magical happened in the movie. Kat hosts a Halloween party, and even though it’s her party, she ends up alone during the slow dance to Jordan Hill’s “Remember Me This Way.”
7. Awww, look at poor Kat! All alone under the disco ball! :(
8. It’s then when we catch our first glimpse of Casper, who has now turned into a human boy until 10 o’clock as a gift from Kat’s ghost mom*.
*Not making this up. It was a very touching and heartfelt moment between ghost Casper and Kat’s ghost mom.
9. And he’s totally hot.
10. Seriously, just look at this prom queen totally checking him out and falling head over heels in love.
11. Then there’s Kat’s “WHOA” face, which pretty much seals the deal that, yes, Casper is a stone-cold fox.
12. Stage one of sexual awakening:
It’s at this point in the film when 10-year-old me, and likely countless other pre-tweens, began to sweat in the theater. Under our arms, in the back of our thighs, and in several other unmentionable places. Because, really, what was happening? Kat, the loser, was getting picked up by a hottie. Did this mean someone like me, riddled with metal and insecurity, might find love someday?
13. And he didn’t need to say anything, because beautiful people don’t need words. All he had to do was extend his hand.
His stunning hand.
14. Stage two of sexual awakening:
I’m not a shallow person, honestly I’m not, but when Devon Sawa spinned Kat around and revealed his face to us…it’s as if heaven beamed down a light of happiness. In that moment, I became very aware of the fact that I would do a lot of things* to trade places with Kat. (*murder)
15. I mean…Look. At. That. Face.
16. Did I know what sex was? Not really. But did I know that my face was making the exact same “holy shit, I’m feeling tingles” expression as Kat’s? Yes.
17. Then Devon took charge and wrapped Kat’s arms around his neck, and my brain exploded.
18. And they were slow dancing and I couldn’t seem to breathe anymore.
19. And then they were dancing in midair with Devon’s gorgeous ghost-boy powers.
20. And Kat got scared, or whatever, and this wonderful thing happened…
21. Stage three of sexual awakening:
Gentle readers, did you see how Devon looked at Kat? Like he was in love with her because she was afraid and a loser?! Can you understand how that look felt to a loser like me, sweating in my stirrup pants and barely able to breathe? At that moment, I understood the importance of slow dances.
24. Stage four of sexual awakening:
This was when the element of desire became all too real for me. Casper was hot. Casper could fly. Casper said things that suggested he wanted me, err, Kat.
I now had a desire: to slow dance with Devon Sawa.
25. And when I woke up from my blackout, the greatest gift of all was waiting for me: the kiss.
26. Final stage of sexual awakening:
In this moment I became a hooker. Just kidding! But I totally would’ve for Devon, just saying.
Thank you, Devon Sawa, for helping me figure out what desire was, and eternally making me search for a man to ghost dance with me. xoxo
P.S. Did I mention that Glamour Shot was taken after I saw Casper? It’s all for Devon.
- Donald Trump promised insurance for everyone this weekend, but Senate Republicans say they assume he misspoke.
- President Barack Obama shortened Chelsea Manning's 35-year sentence for leaking documents to WikiLeaks. She'll be freed in May.
- Blue Lies Matter: Video finally proved that police officers lie — and why they get away with it.
- A Toronto man is on a mission to bathe at a different stranger's house every day this month. And so far, so good 🛀