33 Reasons To Be Thankful For Florida
Everyone loves to hate on Florida, but we've got solid evidence that it's not actually the nightmare it's made out to be.
Manatees (aka sea cows and/or the original mermaids) live in Florida!
Where would you ship your grandparents if not for Florida?
Plus, those old people have a great sense of humor — sometimes.
It's a state where you can wear flip-flops year-round and no one will judge you.
You can also load up on vitamin D year-round (for free!).
It's home to the alleged Fountain of Youth that Ponce de León discovered.
If not for the male strip clubs of Tampa, you'd all be "Magic Mike"-less.
Without Florida, Ernest Hemingway wouldn't have had this house in Key West, where he wrote some of his classics.
He also filled that house with polydactyl (six-toed) cats, which are often nicknamed "Hemingway cats," and took adorable photos like this.
His former home is now a museum and houses roughly 40–50 of Hemingway's kitties' descendants. Here are some of those cats.
And here's a close-up of their awesome six-toed paws.
Want a warm, sunny, sexy place to get drunk on spring break? Oh, that's right, you have to go to Florida.
And in Florida, it's so warm that you can pretty much be drunk all day long without judgment. Like, seriously, no judgment.
Gianni Versace's former mansion is on Miami Beach and his ghost is rumored to haunt it.*
Florida is the penis of America, and it's a big one.
Even the Florida State Capitol building is phallic.
The proximity to Cuba means a lot of delicious Cubans. (The people and their sandwiches.)
The Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg houses the largest collection of Dali's work, which means tons of melting clocks.
Oh, you need a place that's warm for spring training? You're welcome, Yankees.
Walt Disney World is bigger, better, and badass-ier than its California counterpart.
Think of all the fantastic glimpses of humanity you'd miss without Florida! Like the "Don't Tase Me, Bro" guy.
Or all those Floridians who turned into zombies after eating some bath salts.
Without Florida, you'd have no big-ass trucks to admire.
Without Florida there would be no astronauts! (Or, there would be, just not shooting into space from the penis of America.)
Florida gives you plenty of orange juice to drink morning, noon, and night, if you're so inclined.
Plus, very few people are actually from Florida, which helps combat petty tribalism.
Unless, of course, you're William H. Macy, Norman Reedus, Ashley Greene, Maya Rudolph, Jim Morrison, or Debbie Harry, because they are all native Floridians.
As is Bob Ross, and without him you wouldn't know the "Joy of Painting."
In Florida there's a reasonable chance of getting struck by lightning two, three, hell, even four times.
And Florida is home to the oldest continuously settled city in the United States: St. Augustine.
Florida is one of seven states that has absolutely no state income tax. None whatsoever.
Florida is as flat as a pancake, so it's easier to ride your bicycle.
But you could also just ride to work on an alligator, like a badass.
Which might be a better idea than trying to ride that gator, actually. Kudos on the funny sign though, Florida!
Did we miss any other aspects of Florida's awesomeness?! Tell us in the comments!
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