1999 was a big year for me. I turned 14, was about to graduate the 8th grade, and snuck into my first R-rated movie: Cruel Intentions.
Prior to seeing this film, I didn’t know much about sex. I was, in the words of Kathryn (played by the incomparable Sarah Michelle Geller), “a fucking idiot,” just like Cecile.
In my defense, I went to Catholic school, and the closest thing to a sex talk my parents ever gave me was saying, “wait till marriage.” I had no clue what I was missing… But I think this was the only sex talk I ever needed, actually.
1. A handjob can be done with your hands, but also with other things…like your bum bum.
Weirdly sexy wiggle dance, for the win.
2. On that note, this is what blue balls look like.
3. Simulating a handjob on a tennis racket can be a confusingly sexy way to tell someone you’re DTF.
9. Even though I’m not a gay man, two sexy shirtless dudes in bed is still an effective turn on.
10. Slutting it up is the only way to go, basically.
11. Having an orgasm is pretty much the best thing ever.
12. Ryan Phillippe’s ass is everything. It’s just everything.
To this day, my face makes the exact same expression as Reese’s every time I see DAT ASS.
14. While this song plays in the background.
- Oops: "Moonlight" won Best Picture at the Oscars, but they accidentally gave it to "La La Land" first 😳⁉️
- Philip Bilden, the businessman nominated by President Trump to be Secretary of the Navy, has withdrawn himself from consideration.
- Actor Bill Paxton has died at 61. He starred in classic films including "Twister," "Titanic," "Big Love," and "Aliens."
- The Nokia brick phone is making a comeback — reimagined with a colored screen, but the game Snake hasn't gone anywhere 🐍📲