1999 was a big year for me. I turned 14, was about to graduate the 8th grade, and snuck into my first R-rated movie: Cruel Intentions.
Prior to seeing this film, I didn’t know much about sex. I was, in the words of Kathryn (played by the incomparable Sarah Michelle Geller), “a fucking idiot,” just like Cecile.
In my defense, I went to Catholic school, and the closest thing to a sex talk my parents ever gave me was saying, “wait till marriage.” I had no clue what I was missing… But I think this was the only sex talk I ever needed, actually.
1. A handjob can be done with your hands, but also with other things…like your bum bum.
Weirdly sexy wiggle dance, for the win.
2. On that note, this is what blue balls look like.
3. Simulating a handjob on a tennis racket can be a confusingly sexy way to tell someone you’re DTF.
9. Even though I’m not a gay man, two sexy shirtless dudes in bed is still an effective turn on.
10. Slutting it up is the only way to go, basically.
11. Having an orgasm is pretty much the best thing ever.
12. Ryan Phillippe’s ass is everything. It’s just everything.
To this day, my face makes the exact same expression as Reese’s every time I see DAT ASS.
14. While this song plays in the background.
- Top Mexican soccer player Alan Pulido has been kidnapped outside of his hometown in Tamaulipas, a high-crime state.
- Donald Trump mused on America's energy future in a North Dakota speech. Some of his vision just doesn't make sense.
- Young tech transplants in Seattle are finding home in the Elks Club, a fraternal order that's growing for the first time since 1976.