"King of short kings."
"I’ve dated a lot of white guys which is surprising cause i’m a history major."
It's one banana, Michael. How much could it cost? Ten dollars?
"Stand clear of the closing doors please."
And the Oscar goes to...
"Friend-zoning is no longer a thing it’s all about son-zoning and telling boys they are your tiny infant baby son."
Three's the magic number!
What's in a name?
From the show Parks and Rec. Not from, like, your hometown.
If I had a dollar for every best-selling album the Beatles wrote, I could get very drunk.
Time to really dish it out.
"Insane that we don’t have one long weekend each month."
Only weird billionaires don't know the price of dish soap.
"Please. Edward Said is my father. Call me Ted Talk."
It's like MASH with only the MASH part.
So many sweet-sounding names for my sweet baby girl.
Please teach me how to be cooler, birds!!!!!
"Shazam but for what the fuck is wrong with people."
Meatballs not included.