1.
Me pretending to know how to play fork knife to impress some guy
2.
Rih realizing her own lipgloss is poppin
3.
4.
5.
Jeff Bezos spending his Amazon earnings.
6.
A GORL WORTH FIGHTING FOR
7.
This is the scale that I will be using for everything from now on.
8.
Me registering online to opt-out of slavery
9.
I can tell I’m getting older bc I find this v v v funny
10.
waitress: i’m sorry your food is taking so long! me: *presses forehead against hers* listen to me. i know it’s not your fault. i love you. i am tipping you 80%.
11.
ＴＥＬＬ ＭＥ ＷＨＹ ᵃᶤᶰ’ᵗ ᶰᵒᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵃ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗᵃᶜʰᵉ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜʏ ᵃᶤᶰ’ᵗ ᶰᵒᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵃ ᵐᶤˢᵗᵃᵏᵉ ʎɥʍ ǝɯ llǝʇ ᶤ ᶰᵉᵛᵉʳ ʷᵃᶰᶰᵃ ʰᵉᵃʳ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵃʸ ＩＷＡＮＴＩＴＴＨＡＴＷＡＹ
12.
13.
Diversity panels be like:
14.
drunk girls at bars: ok, listen britney, it is britney right? ok listen britney. you. are a GODDESS. you're too good for any man. I love you and your cute top drunk guys at bars: did you just fuckin breathe on me? fuckin breathe on me again bro gimme a reason to knock you out
15.
dough: a bread, an uncooked bread ray: of sun that cooks the bread me: a gal who eats the bread fa: ther also eats the bread so: da bread’s a kind of bread la: vash is another bread tea: a drink. anyway, bread! that will bring us back to dough
16.
remember to water all ur idiots
17.
18.
infinity war put peter quill in a room with tony stark and dr. strange and didn't give him a "no shit, sherlocks" throwaway line and i'm BEYOND miffed
19.
I guess you could say he wanted to go to .... small clams court 😎
20.
my favorite mary berry expression is the kind she makes whenever a contestant uses spices or produce that didn’t exist in Britain prior to the establishment of the east india company https://t.co/guELjYg3cZ
21.
I’m late to work cuz I followed this dog for 3 blocks in the wrong direction
22.
Another day has passed and I haven't used Pythagoras theorem
23.
24.
"I actually prefer a woman with a little meat on her bones," he says. A podium is quickly constructed. The mayor is summoned. In the distance, a marching band practices. The award ceremony will commence soon.
25.
I’m begging Dude, please don’t take my man.
26.
I was just tryna record myself lookin cute and then..🤦🏽♀️
27.
You howl all you want Charleston, honey
28.
She looks so sweet but today a woman asked her what her name was and she replied “Buttcrack” so.
29.
30.
this is uni
31.
me at 6 y/o: bilingual, genius iq, mentally healthy, able to do math me at 18 y/o: illiterate, health is nonexistent, and needs a calculator to solve 6+8