1.
Do you ever just feel like a rotisserie chicken?
2.
I deleted Facebook cause I was tired of seeing everyone getting engaged/married and having babies. About to delete Instagram cause Iβm tired of seeing people hotter than me. Never gunna delete twitter cause we all miserable here
3.
πΊπΈ
4.
you: his name is Rube Goldberg me: huh, that name rings a bell, which sets off a trap that undoes a buckle and releases a ball that rolls down a pipe and
5.
alexa done fucked up here sdvvhjjllk
6.
drake is such a carrie bradshaw
7.
Big summer mood
8.
If your problem is "children are running in the hallway" and your solution to that problem is "deeply unsettling optical illusion floors," you might be a supervillain https://t.co/u9HDHR2xTJ
9.
when scarlett finally collects all the stolen minority roles she will succeed in wiping out half the diversity in hollywood https://t.co/2c9eUHBiqC
10.
priest: what is your confession my child Me: I used to play as Kirby in super smash brothers and would suck people up, then walk off a cliff priest: fuck u. seriously fuck u
11.
pretty sure Will Smith has never said this
12.
Twitter gets a bad rap but let me just say that 20 years ago women did not talk about the shared truth of underboob sweat, we internalized it as our own secret shame when we could have been weaponizing it against our enemies, long live Boob Sweat Twitter
13.
7th ave has got it. #nyc
14.
you: dick pics me, an intellectual: richard pictures
15.
This is about as close as we got to a public BeyoncΓ© meltdown.
16.
It finally happened I saw a woman laugh in the Kiss Camβs face and turn away from the dude next to her to kiss her laughing girlfriend PRIDE LIVES
17.
Animals who look like theyβre about to release a chart topping single: THREADππππ
18.
summer is here and nary a single male romper in sight. the girls asked for mandem in rompers. tiddies out. chain. foliage print. shades. skin glistenin. double cheeked up on a thursday. where it at
19.
welcome to my ted talk
20.
i wonder how old iβll be when i stop throwing up a peace sign every time somebody puts the camera on me
21.
The University of Well Actually.
22.
*parent teacher conference* Teacher: Are you aware that your daughter is βcancellingβ her classmates? Parent: Yes sis! We stan a legend ππΌπ Teacher: what
23.
me: interested in how the sun shines in our new apartment boyfriend:
24.
I told my daughter I got my hair done and she told me to send her a pic. My 9 year old me gassin me π¬π©ππ
25.
Iβm THAT friend
26.
hello 911 I'd like to report a crime
27.
my cats weird as fuck ππ
28.
This is discrimination against my kind #lowerthemirrors