1.
i texted my dad saying “happy monday let’s get this bread”. his response was “i can go to Costco after work”. amazing
2.
every drink i make is a handcrafted beverage made with care and craft
3.
The next princess/prince of the British Royal Family is also technically eligible to be elected President of the United States, and every season of Game of Thrones has taught me this is the way we will somehow get dragons. #RoyalBaby
4.
Baby fever AND puppy fever oh no no no
5.
Black Panther came out THIS year. That's how long the year has been😂💔
6.
Esto es lo más importante que verán hoy
7.
The temperature went from 90 to 55 like it saw a state trooper
8.
idk if anyone’s ever watched this girl before. but she eats edibles and then does makeup tutorials and i’m crying
9.
student athletes think tearing their acl is a personality trait
10.
Dude just cruised past me riding a lawn chair taped to an electric skateboard while vaping and blasting Jack Johnson. Now I’m questioning all my life choices. https://t.co/VfFlJZKil4
11.
imagine you’re a moth and your single day of existence was spent being in lord of the rings
12.
what doing
13.
Willy Wonka 2: We Will Wonk You
14.
15.
This is the epitome of transferable job skills https://t.co/G6SyveH7UK
16.
I love grading with my new stickers!
17.
Ariana had to learn the hard way what all women find out eventually: that sometimes you think a guy is amazing and funny and loving and sexy, but it turns out he’s just tall
18.
This is truly one of the worst pieces of home decor I've ever seen.
19.
i wonder if people think i’m just joking when i say “idk i can’t do math” when someone asks a rlly basic number related question but the truth is i’m never joking i can never do math under any circumstance
20.
My dog just got surgery because he tore a ligament in his knee so they had to shave him and now you can see his lil butt crack https://t.co/SNX0QnQqwR
21.
I once met a model at her apartment to shoot, and in the elevator I noticed that floors 4 and 17 had no buttons. When I asked why, she casually replied “Oh, those are Lady Gaga’s floors. She lives on the 17th, but her closet is the entire 4th floor.” I think about that everyday.
22.
His weed? I roll that. His hand? I hold that. His back? I got that. His wife? I am that. My role? I play that.We're happy? They hate that. https://t.co/nYBgNlhBSa
23.
i set my alarms extra early to make sure i have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up
24.
Nice one mum 😂😂😂
25.
my ex told me one time that i only have guy friends bc they want to fuck me and i honestly think about it all the time when i’m fucking my guy friends
26.
got my period
27.
men be like "it makes me feel so shitty when you say you feel bad when I treat you like shit"
28.
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ONNNNNN” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.