Skip To Content

    Why You Shouldn't Feel Bad If You Can't Have A Dog

    Are allergies, small living space, or mean parents not allowing you to have a dog? It's okay—there's always a silver lining!

    You never get woken up at 6am to go for a walk.

    You don't have to scrape dog shit off the sidewalk in a little plastic baggy.

    You never have to worry about dog hair getting on everything you own.

    You'll never have to deal with these kinds of "accidents."

    Or other kinds of accidents.

    Or stuff that doesn't seem like an accident at all.

    This will never happen when you try to make your bed:

    Your favorite box of crayons won't turn into this:

    You'll never have to play this game:

    Your personal items will remain intact.

    You don't have to worry about getting photobombed.

    Or—even worse—sexy photobombed.

    Seriously, dogs are impossible around cameras.

    You can watch TV without being constantly judged.

    You can rest assured that no one is wearing your shoes without asking.

    Or borrowing your car without asking.

    Or smoking your cigarettes WITHOUT ASKING.

    Or generally doing things without getting permission first.

    You never have to wonder if anyone is puttin' the moves on your girlfriend.

    Or mocking your decor.

    Or inappropriately garnishing your drinks.

    Your wedding will be much better without a dog, believe me.

    You will have less heart attacks because this will never happen:

    Without a dog you don't have to worry about being one-upped all the time.

    No one will steal your food right out from under your nose.

    Or gloat while they're doing it.

    Dogs are always embarrassing you on purpose.

    At parties.

    Or whenever really.

    They're not even that fun to play with.

    They're vicious!

    And they're incredibly clingy.

    It can be so tiring always being the object of their constant affection.'re definitely better off without one.